Thursday, September 13, 2007

Everything

Watch first, read later:




Do you have tears in your eyes? I do. Each time I not only hear (and really listen) to this song and see this skit, I can't help but be moved by the love of my Father.

I don't know how honest I need to be here. I'm fighting within myself as what to say. It would be easy to just publish at this point, but perhaps I'm to share a little bit more about myself. Which, honestly, is scarey. I mean, I appear to have everything together. On the outside, maybe. Now, I'm not saying my life is all bad. In fact, I can't believe how blessed I really am. But... it doesn't stop the way I feel sometimes.

You see, I struggle with depression. On the surface, everything appears to be fine. I have a job. I pay my bills. I have a house and a car. There's always food on the table. I don't lack for anything. God has always provided for me; which I find amazing each and every time. But even after all that, there's still something "not right". Unless you know or have experienced it yourself, it's hard to explain. But, I think it's one of those things which isn't discussed within the Christian realm. As if, being a Christian makes everything *all better*. We shouldn't talk about being sad or whatever. That's just not reality, folks.

What I find interesting, is that people you'd never think struggle with it, do. It becomes this shadow which follows you everywhere. Most days, I'm perfectly fine. But other days, when I allow the shadow to overcome me, it's all I can do to keep breathing. Ready for some real honesty? Like the girl in this skit, killing myself has crossed my mind a time or two. Gosh, it sounds so melodramatic to type it out, but it's true. It's how I felt. It's what happens when I took my focus off of God and began to sink. (Please don't misunderstand me, I'm not suicidal. Part of me is just ready to go "Home".) But then I remember the people that I love. Plus, I know God's up to something. (Psst... He always is, even if we don't see it.) I know God has a plan for my life (Jeremiah 29:11-13).

A few years ago, I was prophesized over (which is a whole other story for another time), but God told me I'd write about the pain from my past. Perhaps this is part of that? I don't know. But I wanted to share a little more depth than usual.

So if you're struggling with depression too, please don't give up. Believe it or not, it helps to talk about how you're feeling. Plus, it gives feet to your problems. They can't remain stagnant and grow a fowl stench, but instead, you can share how you feel with others. I bet others feel the same way too. Also, another plus, you may have the opportunity to share what God is doing through your situation, much like He's doing with me. You just never know what God's up to.

Here are the lyrics to this song:
Everything by Lifehouse

Find Me Here
Speak To Me
I want to feel you
I need to hear you
You are the light
That's leading me
To the place where I find peace again.

You are the strength, that keeps me walking.
You are the hope, that keeps me trusting.
You are the light to my soul.
You are my purpose...you're everything.

How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

You calm the storms, and you give me rest.
You hold me in your hands, you won't let me fall.
You steal my heart, and you take my breath away.
Would you take me in? Take me deeper now?

How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

Cause you're all I want, You're all I need
You're everything,everything
You're all I want your all I need
You're everything, everything.
You're all I want you're all I need.
You're everything, everything
You're all I want you're all I need, you're everything, everything.

And How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

2 comments:

StaceyStace said...

Meredith, I am thankful that God is using you through this struggle - to press into Him, and to reach out to others. Depression is such a mind, body and spirit torture and it is most certainly a malady for Christians, as well. I pray for your complete healing and also that God will be glorified in your journey. And in answer to your question, I don't think that sharing what is on your heart is bombardment. I think the enemy of our souls would like to keep you silent, and the Hound of Heaven desires to keep you going! So keep it up, girl - seek to please Him, and in His strength - keep going.

Meredith Quintana said...

Stacey, thank you so much for your continued encouragement. I do want Him to use me. Though, I often feel like, why would God want to use me? I'm just a goofball. I guess God's used goofballs all through out history though.