Goodbye, 31... Hello, 32!

On the last day of my 31st year, I feel the need to write. Actually, I always feel the need to write, this is just a really good excuse. :) I feel more introspective than usual. Maybe it's because I just finished a really good book, "Wrapped in Rain" by Charles Martin. I'm always a little sad when I finish a book; which I suppose is why I reread my library continuously. One of my absolute favorites, "With New Eyes" by Margaret Becker, I reread at least once a year. It's funny, each time I devour it, God teaches me something new. You'd think after the 10th or 11th time through, there wouldn't be any surprises. But when I least expect it, this little tiny air bubble pops up on the surface and with amazement, He gives me fresh vision. I don't pretend to understand the methods God uses gets my attension; but they work.

My family went on countless roadtrips during my childhood. To and from Grandparents for summer and Christmas vacations. We have a tradition, everytime we cross a state line, we say goodbye to the previous state and hello to the new one. It doesn't matter what's going on in the car before the event, everyone stops what they are doing/saying/playing/reading and we all sing together, "Goodbye, Alabama! Hellooooo, Florida!" In that moment, nothing else matters. There's focus, clarity and excitement for the future. I feel like that's where I am today, "Goodbye, 31! Hellooooo, 32!"

This has been a really good year (July 08-July 09). I feel like I've come into my own more than any other time in my life. It's as though I'm finally figuring me out; what makes me tick and how to make myself happy. You'd think that would be a given, right? I mean, I'm the one who's with me all the time. But that doesn't mean I know myself. I know, it sounds crazy. But hear me out. For the first part of our lives, the people who influence us the most is probably our parents and teachers at school. In college, most start thinking for themselves more and figuring out who they really are. But in your 30's all that gets semi thrown out the windows. Sure, there are aspects of myself from over the years, but in a sense, I feel like a different person. I am a different person. I've found grace and confidence which I never knew existed.

I've been a self-proclaimed tom-boy all my life, but suddenly, there's a girly girl in me which is bursting at the seams! I care what I wear and look like. I buy clothes which fit me, instead of trying to cover me. I paint my finger/toe nails. I've even considered wearing make-up. (Seriously, that's huge!) I work hard at the gym for me and no one else. When I'm in my last minute, dripping in sweat, knowing relief is around the corner, instead of slowing down, I speed up and just laugh! God has given me the ability to use my muscles and limbs, so why not do it for His glory; even at the Y?

At the core, I'm still me. I'm still goofy and random, but how can I explain this so you'll understand. Imagine sliding your hand into a vat of melted wax. The wax covers every nook and cranny of every part of your hand, fingerprints and all. When you pull your hand out, it's still your hand... but completely different. Covered and changed, wrapped within a new 'skin'. A new confidence, if you will.

Like many of my single friends, life hasn't exactly gone as we thought it would. There's such a stigmatism in culture and media today that if you're not married within your 20's, then there must be something wrong with you. Far too quickly, I started believing the lies Satan was feeding me. On a whim, I joined eHarmony. I decided to take my destiny into my own hands. If the guys around here don't see what a gem I am, then maybe I can find someone myself who would. What I didn't realize then, that I know now, I'd taken my focus completely off God. I got so wrapped up in what could happen, instead of what is happening.. or what wasn't happening. While I think that site could work for others, it's not for me. Within days, I cancelled my membership. I'm still "live" for a few more weeks, but I'm through attempting to play God. That's not my place. Thank goodness.

It maybe considered old fashioned, but I want to be pursued and romanced. If that's to happen, I can't be in control. Maybe I have unrealistic expectations and have my standards too high, but frankly, I refuse to settle. So, hold on boys, if you're ready for a challege, step right up. I'm like a wild mustang; hard to wrangle, but worth the effort! (Did I really just compare myself to a mustang? I think I've watched "Flicka" a few times too many!)

I'm entering into my 32nd year with great expectation of "whatcha gonna do next, God?" I've found some balance, but now I need to rearrange priorities a bit and leap out of my comfort zone a bit more. I would love it if God gave me the opportunity to write another book, though I haven no idea what it would be about. I just need to do more creative things. I feel closest to my Creator when I'm using the gifts and talents He's given me.

OK, I need to stop and go get ready for a three-way birthday party tonight! (Two other friends and I all have birthday's within days of one another. Why not throw one huge party?!) Pictures to follow, I'm sure.

Goodbye, 31! Hellooooo, 32!

tiny VENT!

I'm a little annoyed right now. Why do service-orientated people think the world revolves around them and they can just show up or call at any old time, regardless of the time they previously said they'd show up/call?!?!?

I rearranged my schedule tonight just so I could talk with Merrill Lynch tonight. I asked the Rep what was a good time for HIM to call and I arranged my schedule accordingly. However, that meant I wasn't able to go to the Y tonight; which was my first annoyance. And now, he's nearly 30 minutes late for his phone call. IF he calls, I'm not answering. It's his fault for not calling on time. Am I being completely irrational?!?

On the flip side, I have GREAT news!!! I got a raise today after only being at my new job for four months!!! Isn't that amazing?!! My boss said, "I'm just tickled by your progress and wanted to thank you for your hard work!" Working for SuperMagnetMan has been such a blessing in my life! How great is it to work for someone who appreciates hard work and rewards you accordingly?!

Completely Random

I may love to sing, but I refuse to "tweet". Am I honestly missing out on anything? I think not.

My internet was down for a week and I felt completely out of touch with reality. I sadly had Facebook withdrawls. Luckily, I recovered quickly. I got a lot more accomplished. I started reading again... "Wrapped in Rain" by Charles Martin is my book of choice. I love Charles Martin! If you've never read anything by him before, start with "When Crickets Cry". I wrote my penpals back. Read magazines. Watched a lot of movies. And for the most part, went to bed on time. Hmm. Let this be a lesson to me.

I love summer. I love most everything about it, except the heat. I love how it stays light later. I saw my first lightning bug the other night and just smiled. I remember collecting those when I was a kid. Good times.

I just wrote this huge long introspective paragraph about how I'm feeling... then deleted it.

I washed and scrubbed my car clean on Saturday. It rained Sunday.

I've been pushing myself to new levels when working out. I make it as hard as I can for myself, then work as hard as I can to see what I'm capable of. I'm "running" about a 10:30 mile. What I find to be more impressive, is that my second mile is usually around the same time frame too! My stamina has definitely increased! I'm very proud of myself.

I went with my friend to see "The Proposal" the other night. HILARIOUS! I laughed so hard, I cried. I cracked up during the forrest dance. If you've seen it, you know exactly what I'm talking about. If you haven't, then when you do, you'll crack up as well! Grab a friend and go watch this movie!

I'm turning 32 on Sunday!!

My mom asked me to create a website for her; a place for all her famous recipes. It's not much yet, but stay tuned. You're going to find recipes which you'll be using and passing down to your family as well. Go to: http://maryjosdelights.blogspot.com/

I've been trying to teach Grant to tell me he loves me for a while now. I made a tiny breakthrough on Saturday. I said, "Tootie Rudy [that's one of my nicknames for him], do you love me?" He said, "Yes." The day that kid says, "I love you, Aunt Mer." I'm going to be one big puddle. I heart my Toot.

I'm sure I have tons of other things to say... but I really must get to bed. Happy trails, all!

Each Day Brims With Your Beauty

I run for dear life to God, I'll never live to regret it.
Do what you do so well:
get me out of this mess and up on my feet.
Put your ear to the ground and listen,
give me space for salvation.
Be a guest room where I can retreat;
you said your door was always open!
You're my salvation—my vast, granite fortress.

My God, free me from the grip of Wicked,
from the clutch of Bad and Bully.
You keep me going when times are tough—
my bedrock, God, since my childhood.
I've hung on you from the day of my birth,
the day you took me from the cradle;
I'll never run out of praise.
Many gasp in alarm when they see me,
but you take me in stride.

Just as each day brims with your beauty,
my mouth brims with praise.
But don't turn me out to pasture when I'm old
or put me on the shelf when I can't pull my weight.
My enemies are talking behind my back,
watching for their chance to knife me.
The gossip is: "God has abandoned him.
Pounce on him now; no one will help him."

God, don't just watch from the sidelines.
Come on! Run to my side!
My accusers—make them lose face.
Those out to get me—make them look
Like idiots, while I stretch out, reaching for you,
and daily add praise to praise.
I'll write the book on your righteousness,
talk up your salvation the livelong day,
never run out of good things to write or say.
I come in the power of the Lord God,
I post signs marking his right-of-way.

You got me when I was an unformed youth,
God, and taught me everything I know.
Now I'm telling the world your wonders;
I'll keep at it until I'm old and gray.
God, don't walk off and leave me
until I get out the news
Of your strong right arm to this world,
news of your power to the world yet to come,
Your famous and righteous
ways, O God.
God, you've done it all!
Who is quite like you?
You, who made me stare trouble in the face,
Turn me around;
Now let me look life in the face.
I've been to the bottom;
Bring me up, streaming with honors;
turn to me, be tender to me,
And I'll take up the lute and thank you
to the tune of your faithfulness, God.
I'll make music for you on a harp,
Holy One of Israel.
When I open up in song to you,
I let out lungsful of praise,
my rescued life a song.
All day long I'm chanting
about you and your righteous ways,
While those who tried to do me in
slink off looking ashamed.

Psalm 71 (The Message)

What Does Your Lipstick Say About You?

Have you ever looked at the tip of your chap stick or lipstick and wondered, hmmm, why does mine look different from my friend's? Why is hers flat, while mine is pointed? Well I sure have! My friend Amy teases me about the head of my chap stick. I always try to keep it flat, but before I know it, it looks something like this. My sister's looks completely different too, as does my mom's. To each her own, I suppose.

A few years ago, someone gave me a Lipstick Personality Profile, which I found to be quite interesting! Although, the look of mine doesn't really resemble any of the ones featured, but it's most like two. Why don't you pull out your chap stick/lipstick of choice and check out this quiz with me.

Similar to the Original Shape
Great follower
Abides by the rules
Does not like too much attention
A little self-conscious
Somewhat reserved
Likes a schedule
May occasionally color hair for fun

Flat Top
Has high morals
To the point
Needs approval
Careful about appearance
Very dependable
Conservative
Quick minded

Sharp-Angled Tip
Very opinionated
High spirited
Dislikes schedules
Selective of friends
Outgoing
Likes attention
Can be argumentative

Flat Top Concave
Makes friends easily
Inquisitive
Makes a good detective
Adventurous
Likes to probe
Complex
Exciting

Rounded, Smooth Tip
Easy-going
The peacemaker
Even-tempered
Very steady
Likeable
Generous
Pleasant to be around







Sharp Angles on Both Sides
Seeks attention
Spiritual
Curious
Mysterious
Has a big ego
Loves Life
Looks for the easy way
Faithful

Rounded Tip to a Point
Lovable
Family-oriented
A "doer"
Can give orders easily
Domestic
Sometimes exaggerates
Can be stubborn over little things
Needs people around

Sharp-angled But Curved Tip
Creative
Enthusiastic
Energetic
Talkative
Loves attention
Falls in love easily
Helpful
Needs a schedule but dislikes one

Handwriting 101

What does your handwriting say about you? How you craft letters and words can indicate more than 5,000 different personality traits, according to the science of graphology, also known as handwriting analysis. To introduce students to the field, graphologist Kathi McKnight (the president of the Rocky Mountain Graphology Association) has them write "She sells seashells by the seashore" in cursive. Why cursive? Graphologist say it gives them a better read on a person. Try writing the same sentence now (even if you usually print), then see how graphologist might characterize you and whether you (or your friends) agree.

Go ahead... Grab a piece of paper and write it out. I did it three times, to get a good overview of it, especially since I ALWAYS use print. I even forgot how to make some of the letters! I'm going to give you all the "answers" but mine will be in italics. See if you agree with both yours and my results!

If your writing slants...
To the right: You are open to the world around you and like to socialize with other people.
To the left: You generally like to work alone or behind the scenes. If you are right-handed and your handwriting slants to the left, you may be expressing rebellion.
Not at all: You tend to be logical and practical. You are guarded with your emotions. [Yes, this is like me.]


If the size of your letters is...
Large: You have a big personality. Many celebrities have large handwriting. It may suggest that you are outgoing and like the limelight. [Not me at all.]
Small: You are focused and can concentrate easily. You tend to be introspective and shy.
Average: You are well-adjusted and adaptable.


If your loops are...
Closed for L (meaning the upstroke overlaps the down stroke): Feeling tense? This implies you are restricting yourself in some way.
Full for L: You are spontaneous and relaxed and find it easy to express yourself. [Yes! Though, expression doesn't always come easily.]
Closed for E: You tend to be skeptical and are unswayed by emotional arguments.
Open for E: You have an open mind and enjoy trying new things. [Yes, I always say, "I'll try anything once."]


If your S's are...
Round: You are a people-pleaser and seek compromise. You avoid confrontation.
Pointy: You are intellectually probing and like to study new things. The higher and pointier the peaks, the more ambitious you are. [Yes, this is me. I never really realized how ambitious I am, but once I make my mind up to do something, there's nothing that can stop me. Wait, maybe that's just me being stubborn and strong-willed? :) ]
Open at the bottom: You might not be following your heart. For example, you always wanted to be an artist, but you have a career in finance.
Printed: You are versatile.


What did you learn about yourself? Let me know, will you?




*Taken from REAL SIMPLE, July 2009 issue, p120.

Chosen

"But you are the ones chosen by God, chosen for the high calling of priestly work, chosen to be a holy people, God's instruments to do his work and speak out for him, to tell others of the night-and-day difference he made for you—from nothing to something, from rejected to accepted. Friends, this world is not your home, so don't make yourselves cozy in it. Don't indulge your ego at the expense of your soul. Live an exemplary life among the natives so that your actions will refute their prejudices. Then they'll be won over to God's side and be there to join in the celebration when he arrives." 1 Peter 2:9-12 (The Message)

"My Person"

The past week or so, I've been waking up in the middle of the night because of a bad dream. I don't have bad dreams often, so I'm not sure what's up. The past two nights, just before I go to sleep, I say outloud, "Please dream something good. Please let me get through the night without a nightmare; maybe even let me dream about a boy." Well, last night I dreamed about a boy! In fact, my dream felt so much like real life that when I woke up, that was my nightmare since none of it was true. Ironic, huh?

My dream was about DB whom I haven't seen in forever; ten years or so. Who knows what was up with my subconscious last night. I tried desperately all day to remember the details, but as the day progressed, it just seems surreal now. In fact, when my alarm went off this morning and ever seven minutes after for the next thirty minutes, I was able to keep my dream going. As if I could tangible hang on to the last bit of that reality. When I finally got out of bed, I was in a funk. It just seemed so real!! I wanted it to be real!

Like I said, I don't remember all the details, but somehow DB and I ran into each other after all these years. We got to talking about life and I got my usual chatty self. It just felt right. He got me. We clicked. We hugged goodbye and I just 'knew' that he was "the one". (I only just thought of this, but my friend and I were talking about and wondering how people know when they meet "the one", that they are indeed "the one". I'm sure that conversation enfluenced my subconscious a little. But anyway... )

It all felt so natural, not the way I usually am with boys. All my life, I had more friends who were boys than girls, but somewhere along the lines that changed. Maybe when I grew breasts. No, just kidding. I tend to feel awkward, not sure what to say or do; not sure what's expected of me. But in my dream, I was perfectly at peace. Felt completely comfortable and normal. Later in the dream, I gave DB a call and apologized for rambling on and on and he said, "Don't apologize, I thought it was the cutest thing ever." He then went into a bit of a monologue about how great I am and how glad he was to have run into me. But then I woke up.

DB lives on the other side of the world and last I heard was engaged... I wonder what that all means?

Which brings me to "my person". On Grey's Anatomy, Cristina Yang coined this expression by talking about her "person", Meredith Grey, and said, "She's my person. If I murdered someone, she's the person I'd call to help me drag the corpse across the living room floor. She's my person." I felt like DB was "my person" and I was like finally!! It's happened to me too! But alas, it was but a dream.

'Tis the season for engagements. It seems girls are dropping like flies... Which, is great! I really am so happy for them. But for me, it's a little bittersweet. I wonder when my time will come? I wonder how much longer I'll have to wait. I feel like, the longer I'm single, the harder marriage will be. I'm becoming more and more independant, plus I'm stubborn too, usually to a fault.

I may put on a tough-girl image, but I'm an ooey-goey romantic at heart. I love to watch sappy chick flicks. I cry at Hallmark commercials. The whole nine yards! But I can't help but feel as though something is missing. I know I can really only ever find true completion within Jesus, but I have to wonder why He would create me with these specifics dreams and desires if He wasn't going to fulfill them someday... The question is when? Will I be an old woman like Sarah in the Bible? I wonder about these things. Obviously, my timing isn't God's. I want His best for my life and refuse to settle; so I guess I'll continue trying to be patient for now.

I can't wait to meet "my person"!

Cherish

CHERISH:
To treat with affection and tenderness; hold dear
To keep fondly in mind; entertain
To protect and love (a person)
To keep (a hope, idea etc) in the mind


"Cherish your visions; cherish your ideals; cherish the music that stirs in your heart, the beauty that forms in your mind, the loveliness that drapes your purest thoughts, for out of them will grow delightful conditions, all heavenly environment." James Allen

I am Wholly Yours

I am full of earth
You are heaven’s worth
I am stained with dirt, prone to depravity
You are everything that is bright and clean
The antonym of me
You are divinity
But a certain sign of grace is this
From a broken earth flowers come up
Pushing through the dirt

You are holy, holy, holy
All heaven cries “Holy, holy God”
You are holy, holy, holy
I wanna be holy like You are

You are everything that is bright and clean
And You’re covering me with Your majesty
And the truest sign of grace was this
From wounded hands redemption fell down
Liberating man

You are holy, holy, holy
All heaven cries “Holy, holy God”
You are holy, holy, holy
I want to be holy like You are

But the harder I try the more clearly can I feel
The depth of our fall and the weight of it all
And so this might could be the most impossible thing
Your grandness in me making me clean

Glory, hallelujah
Glory, glory, hallelujah
You are holy, holy, holy
All heaven cries “Holy, holy God”
You are holy, holy, holy
I want to be holy, holy God

So here I am, all of me
Finally everything
Wholly, wholly, wholly
I am wholly, wholly, wholly
I am wholly, wholly, wholly Yours

I am wholly Yours

I am full of earth and dirt and You