Tuesday, September 18, 2007

An Intimate Voice

At some point this morning, I started humming this familar tune. The words escaped me until I was making mundane copies, when all of the sudden, I confidently said, "Sin has lost it's power, death has lost it's sting...." From then on, the rest of the day, these words were exploding from me. The amazing thing is, I believe it to be a "pocket of grace" from God. I haven't heard that song in a while, so perhaps He knew what I needed when I needed. Imagine that.

I'm going through something again. It has no name, necessarily. Somewhat like "The Nothing" from "The Neverending Story". Part of me wants to hide and give the appearance of everything being OK. But then, by not vocalizing my weaknesses, how then can He be strong in my life? How then can He shine through and get ultimate glory?

I know this is just another storm. We all have them. Some of us batten down the hatches and ride it out, while others of us, sail into the storm tossed sea and discover what God's trying to teach us. I suppose I've taken up residence in both camps. But perhaps, for once, what if I were to look into the storm and ask Him what lesson I'm to be learning? I mean, if I'm constantly in a spin cycle, have I really learned anything? Or was it in one ear and out the other? I just think I was created for greatness. I don't say that in a "look at me, aren't I special" kind of way. But rather, I know God has a purpose for my life. Finding it, that has become the challenge. But maybe, just maybe, I'm not supposed to "find" anything, rather I'm to pursue what brings Him glory and there I'll find purpose? I feel silly to struggle with purpose at age 30. Seems like I should have figured things out by now. Oh well, I've always been a few years behind my peers. Forgive me, I'm basically just rambling, but these are thoughts I'm having.

God's blessed me with this really unique way to look at the world, which I find to be quite fascinating and at times, really frustrating. The challenge of getting what's going on in my head, onto 'paper' in a way which makes sense to others besides myself. A wise, young friend recently told me, "...you have a delicate, intimate voice in writing..." I suppose, I'm just trying to find my voice again after not writing for so many years. Please excuse me while I "clear my throat a bit."

Anyway, back to the song... I honestly didn't know what I was going to say to preface this song. It's not what I find most enjoyable to be so open and honest with, well, the world. But often, I feel God leading me in a certain direction. What choice do I have but to follow? I mean, sure I can disobey, but what's the point. God's quite persistent if you didn't know.

Marvelous Light by Charlie Hall

I once was fatherless,
a stranger with no hope;
Your kindness wakened me,
Awakened me, from my sleep

Your love it beckons deeply,
a call to come and die.
By grace now I will come
And take this life, take your life.

Sin has lost it's power,
death has lost it's sting.
From the grave you've risen

Into marvelous light I'm running,
Out of darkness, out of shame.
By the cross you are the truth,
You are the life, you are the way

My dead heart now is beating,
My deepest stains now clean.
Your breath fills up my lungs.
Now I'm free. now I'm free!

Lift my hands and spin around,
See the light that i have found.
Oh the marvelous light
Marvelous light

Lift my hands and spin
See the light within...


Irritable Mother said...

"God's quite persistent if you didn't know."
Oh, yes. I know!!! And I am so very thankful. It is His gentle persistence which has given me hope in the midst of the storm and has caused me to grow.
Thanks for stopping by my blog (and, yes, it's OK that you aren't a mom!) I have enjoyed reading your posts and getting to know you a bit.

Meredith Quintana said...

Thank you for commenting on my blog as well. Believe it or not, I'm new to blogging world, so if you replied to any of my posts on yours, I'm not sure how to find them again.

I find it humorous that we grow the most in times of pain. Kind of like, when you're a kid and your legs just ache and ache as they grow (at least mine did--I'm tall). I suppose the same is true in our lives. If not for the pain, there would be no growth.

Meredith Quintana said...

PS I hope you don't mind, but I added a link to your page, from mine. When I should have gone to bed last night, I must have spent an hour reading about yours. :) So, the feelings mutual. I'm enjoying learning about you and your family.