Only love can change your life...

Fiction and reality collide
Faceless and so busted up inside
You've been searching you've been crying out
Will you be destroyed by all your doubt?

You decide
(Who will you run to)
Wrong or right
(There is no reason)
For you to hide
Only love can change your life
You decide

God is calling out to you again
Let Him pull you, let Him take you in
From the fear that swallows up for your life
Will you stay the same or will you fight?

You decide
(Who will you run to)
Wrong or right
(There is no reason)
For you to hide
Only love can change your life
Only love can change your life

Every day you hold on to your lonely broken heart
(It's tearing you apart)
God is calling out to you just let healing start
(Will you open up and let Him in)

You decide
(Who will you run to)
Wrong or right
(There is no reason)
For you to hide
Only love can change your life
You decide
(You Decide by Fireflight)


I heard this while driving to Atlanta this weekend to visit and *old* friend, whom I haven't seen in entirely too long! (Hey Erin, Jeff and Love Bug!) iTunes has it in Alternative genre, but when I really listened to the words, I realized it could easily be a Christian song as well! I'm in some sort of weird transition right now. I've felt it coming, but didn't know what to do for myself to make me feel better. I don't even necessarily know how to translate what's going on in my head. I feel very . . . .

Lost.
Confused.
Lonely.

Man, this song really describes how I'm feeling. It's funny. I was talking to Erin about this yesterday. How often God will speak to me through music. It's my springboard for knowledge. I hear something, mull it over for a while and finally decide to just write about it. What's funny is that I often feel as though I'm screaming but people look right through me as I don't exist. It's one of the many on-going battles I have. . . and unfortunately, Satan jumps on it. But, that's another post for another day.

Remember my resolution not to resolve? Well, I'm reading this amazing book called, "Coming Up For Air" by Margaret Becker. (She's also the author of one of my top ten favorite books, "With New Eyes"). It's basically about how she took two months and refocused her life back on God. (That's the extremely simplistic explanation, but you should seriously check it out!) In a chapter I read yesterday, she said 'instead of making resolutions about things I'm going to do, I'm going to make a list of things I'm not going to do'. Funny how a different perspective completely changes the way one thinks? What am I not going to do (or try really hard to not do) in 2008? (That too will have to be another post. I keep getting sidetracked from my original intention.)

I believe there's a battle waging in the Heavens for me. Yes, I'm saved, but am I living victoriously? Yes, I'm one of His children, but do I run to Him when things go wrong? This past year has been, well, just interesting. As my friend so boldly told me that night at Starbucks, I'm heading down a path which might take me years to recover. It's not that I'm doing anything bad, necessarily. But I'm not really living! That in and of itself is a great tragedy.

The song says, "Will you stay the same or will you fight?" That about sums up this post. Am I going to keep repeating the monotony of my life or am I going to get out there and start making changes? I know there are caverns yet explored in my being. God made me SO creative and often, I don't have a clue how to express what's buried deep within me. I don't want to stay the same. I want to one day stand on a stage and proclaim how God healed me. Share about how I over came depression and didn't allow Satan to use that in my life. Oh how I long for that day. What a glorious day that will be!

New Years Resolutions

Resolve: To reach a decision or to make a determination.

When it comes to New Years Resolutions, I decided a few years ago to "Resolve not to resolve". I know that sounds crazy, but my emotional well-being often gets the better of me. So, to save me from being hard on myself, I just decided this was the way to go. I mean, come on, how many of us actually keep our resolutions for the new year? I'd say, maybe 99.9% of the population. So, yeah, that's my story and I'm sticking to it.

God's funny, you know? I think He sometimes tries to speak to me in a still, soft voice, but I'm too busy being busy that I don't hear Him. So, He has to use other methods. I learn through repetition. Always have. Always will. I don't know why it surprises me when He wants me to learn a concept, that He'll continually bring a theme up, in several different avenues. Today wasn't any different. This below quote was sent to me twice today... which I believe to be no accident. I figured if I'm to learn this lesson, then you all should too!

A woman's heart should be so hidden in Christ that a man should have to seek Him first to find her. Unknown Author

Wow. That's pretty profound if you think about it. I think.... as much as I don't want to admit this, I want to *make a dertermination* to impliment this in my life. (Somehow that sounds better, than a resolution. Semantics, I know.)

I'm not real happy about where my life is right now. This past year flew by and honestly, I don't have much to show for it. My Walk with Him is definitely misplaced. I'm all out of sorts. The person I thought I'd be, isn't who I am now. If you'd asked me, say 10 years ago, where I'd be now, it would be different than the reality of now. While I realize everything is in God's timing and His way are not our ways.... I still long for what I do not have. However, I don't want something just to have it. I don't want to be married if I'm going to be miserable. I don't want another job, if it's not where I'm supposed to be. Contentment is the name of the game. (Not that this is a game, mind you, but I think you know what I mean.)

When I was prophisized over a few years ago, I was told, amoung other things, that I needed to be chasing after God. And in my pursuit of Him, everything else would fall into place. It's sadly funny how I can't seem to get this concept down. Everything tends to be an uphill battle with me. You'd think I'd learn. My life tends to be like a roller coaster, up and down, up and down.... and sometimes, flat-lined. I know this isn't how He'd want me to live.

Good grief. I'm sure I'm making this more complicated than it has to be.....

Welcome 2008!!

Wow, it's been a while since I've written. It's not for lack of material. My brain has been whirling with things to say, but haven't had the opportunity. I took a break from "normal" life and went on vacation all last week. I spent 9 days with family. It was awesome. I actually brought my computer with me to journal, but alas, I was in the country and my parents only have dial up. I frankly didn't have the patience to deal with it, you know?

We didn't really do anything (but chase Grant around the house), didn't really go anywhere, just spent quality time together. I loved it. Even if I was on Aunt duty a lot and only got to watch one movie completely through. That's OK too. Grant's adorable. I'll have to upload some pictures of him later.

Highlights of the past week:

• My best friend came into town and we did fun goofy stuff together as well as had a really serious conversation in Starbucks. She was sharpening my iron, but I didn't like it. Who does? She gave me a lot to think about though. I'm sure that'll come up later in different posts.
• Saw "August Rush". GREAT movie. Clean. Amazing music! (I downloaded the soundtrack off iTunes.) Take your kids. You won't be dissapointed.
• Singing Grant to sleep. I love when he snuggles into me and lays his head onto my chest.
• Laughing hysterically with my sister at a time when we were supposed to be quiet, which of course made it funnier. She kept snorting, which would set me off again. Good times.
• Reading a great book until time stood still, and I looked at the clock and it read 3AM.
• Watching Grant crack up when I 'rattled' a plastic bag. Kids are the best, aren't they? All these presents and he's intertained by such simple things. Let that be a lesson to us. Later in the week, a yard stick was his toy. (Sidenote: why is a yard stick called a yard stick, when it's actually more than a yard?)
• Family dinner at my parents. Everyone around the table, talking about everying. Great times.
• Watching people open gifts. I love that part. Seeing the joy on their faces.
• My favorite gift, a posturpedic pillow. The best thing since flannel sheets.
• An adventure with my Aunt, a girls day out. We ate lunch at Zaxby's and went to see "P.S. I Love You". Another great movie. Clever. Touching. I teared up a few times and also cracked up too. (I have this inate ability to predict when something funny is about to happen on screen. So, if you're ever in a movie and hear laughter before the audience laughter, that's probably me.)
• Trans-Siberian Orchestra. It was completely different than what I thought it would be!!! But still amazing at times. Definitely worth the experience, but something I won't attend again. (Funny story, at the end, after new years celebration, he host guy said they had a special treat for us. Apparently the lead singer of Styx is from Alabama and agreed to come out and give a mini concert. I know this shows not only my age, but my lack of music knowledge past say 1995, but my friends and I had NO IDEA who this person was!! But boy, the crowd loved him!!) We actually ended up leaving early, as the concert was still going strong at 12:30 and we were sleepy.

Anyway, enough rambling out of me. I've been a bum today, because I could. Yeah, no work! I need to get out of bed and head over to a party. So, good talking with you my friends. I hope you and your family have a blessed New Year. May this be a year where in 365 days we can look back and praise Him for all He's done in our lives.


"Life is an open invitation to adventure for all. It’s not only for the brave, but for the timid-hearted as well… The great adventure of life in Christ is possible not because the world is "safe" but because our Father God is watching over us. We will never take a trip without him. We will never be left behind. We will never put our head down on a pillow at night and be alone. Our God is with us where he belongs… Because of the security of His perfect love, we can be honest about where we are and dream of where we would like to go. Our fears and hopes are in our Father’s safekeeping." - Sheila Walsh

Cherish Every Moment

There's not a day that goes by where I'm simutaneously estatic that Grant's been brought into our lives and that something might happen to him and take him away from us. I know, it's all about trusting that God's in control and He knows best. But sometimes, I can't help but sneak into Grant's room while he's sleeping so soundly and make sure he's still breathing. I cherish every moment I'm with him. I know it sounds crazy, but I've only missed two Saturdays since he was born, more than a year ago. And this Saturday, I won't be able to be with him. I miss him. I'm only the aunt. So, I can't IMAGINE the love of a mother must have.

Anyway, I write all that to say because my friend sent me a YouTube link of some friends of hers baby. She sent it to me at work. (Holy smokes, I'm glad I waited until I was home to watch it.) As tears were streaming down my face, it made me again realize how precious time is with family. With the Christmas season upon us, don't forget to stop and breathe. Remember the real reason for the season and LOVE on your family.

What have you done today to make yourself proud?!?

Every Tuesday, I hear The Biggest Loser theme song and I feel as though I can do anything. I see people's lives literally changed before my eyes. I look at them and look at me and say, "Self, you can do this! You can lose weight just like them!" I'm so encouraged to keep on keeping on. There's a skinny girl inside me just waiting to bust out. She's always been inside, but perhaps, it was fear that kept her hidden. I can psycho-analyze myself all I want to, but until I make a conscious decision to change. I'll never change.

It all starts in my mind. If I don't BELIEVE I can do it, then there's no point. Every day, I face the raging battle inside my mind for victory over myself. I know that sounds crazy. But I know that's how Satan gets to me... alway putting me down. Trying to make me feel bad about myself. I'm sad to say, far too often I allow him to get the better of me. But no more. Do you hear me?!?

I choose again this day to CHANGE. Change so that I don't get my family's heredity diseases, such as diabetis. Change so that my body is capable of having children, should God desire to bless me with that gift. Change so that Grant won't be ashamed of me. Change so that once and for all, the person I know is inside me, can burst forth so all the world can see her too. She's an AMAZING chick, but no one ever gives her the time of day, because unfortunately people are far too focued on the outside package. Change. Not for others, but for myself. Change.

What have I done today to make myself proud? I CHOSE to CHANGE yet again today.

Gabriel

Gabriel
by Max Lucado

The following is excerpt 1 of 4 from An Angel’s Story. In this classic Christmas story, Max Lucado pulls back the curtain and imagines the cosmic drama that accompanied that very first Christmas…from the perspective of an angel.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
“Gabriel.”

Just the sound of my King’s voice stirred my heart. I left my post at the entryway and stepped into the throne room. To my left was the desk on which sat the Book of Life. Ahead of me was the throne of Almighty God. I entered the circle of unceasing Light, folded my wings before me to cover my face, and knelt before Him. “Yes, my Lord?”

“You have served the kingdom well. You are a noble messenger. Never have you flinched in duty. Never have you flagged in zeal.”

I bowed my head, basking in the words. “Whatever You ask, I’ll do a thousand times over, my King,” I promised.

“Of that, I have no doubt, dear messenger.” His voice assumed a solemnity I’d never heard Him use. “But your greatest work lies ahead of you. Your next assignment is to carry a gift to Earth. Behold.”

I lifted my eyes to see a necklace—a clear vial on a golden chain—dangling from His extended hand.

My Father spoke earnestly, “Though empty, this vial will soon contain My greatest gift.” …Handing me the necklace, He explained, “This vial will contain the essence of Myself; a Seed to be placed in the womb of a young girl. Her name is Mary. She lives among My chosen people. The fruit of the Seed is the Son of God. Take it to her.”

“But how will I know her?” I asked.

“Don’t worry. You will.”

I could not comprehend God’s plan, but my understanding was not essential. My obedience was. I lowered my head, and He draped the chain around my neck. Amazingly, the vial was no longer empty. It glowed with Light.

“Jesus. Tell her to call My Son Jesus.”

Jesus Paid It All

The other day at work, I started humming this tune. I wasn't sure what it was, until at some point, the chorus came flying out of my mouth. "That's it!" I said to myself. I immediately went to Google (my favorite search engine), entered in some of the words which came to mind, and found, of course, a million different things. But, I knew it was from Passion, which narrowed it down some. Finally, after some research, I found the words. I wanted to share them:


I hear the Savior say,
“Thy strength indeed is small;
Child of weakness, watch and pray,
Find in Me thine all in all.”

Jesus paid it all,
All to Him I owe;
Sin had left a crimson stain
He washed it white as snow

Lord now indeed I find
Thy power and Thine alone
Can change the lepers spots
And melt the heart of stone

Jesus paid it all
All to Him I owe;
My sin had left this crimson stain
He washed it white as snow

It’s washed away
All my sin
And all my shame

And when before the throne
I stand in Him complete,
"Jesus died my soul to save,"
My lips shall still repeat

Jesus paid it all,
All to Him I owe;
Sin had left a crimson stain,
He washed it white as snow.

Sin had left a crimson stain
He washed it white as snow

O praise the One who paid my debt
And raised this life up from the dead

We’ll praise the One who paid my debt
And raised this life up from the dead


These last two 'verses' are repeated over and over, with the crowd of thousands singing together. I hear it in my head each time I repeat these same words. May you be encouraged today.

Grown-up Christmas List

Do you remember me?
I sat upon your knee.
I wrote to you with childhood fantasies.
Well, I'm all grown up now,
But still need help somehow.
I'm not a child but my heart still can dream.

So here's my lifelong wish,
my grown-up christmas list,
not for myself, but for a world in need:

No more lives torn apart,
and wars would never start,
and time would heal all hearts.
Ev'ry one would have a friend,
that right would always win,
and love would never end:
This is my grown-up christmas list.

As children we believed
the grandest sight to see
was something lovely wrapped beneash the tree.
Well, heaven surely knows
that packages and bows
can never heal a hurting human soul.

No more lives torn apart,
and wars would never start,
and time would heal all hearts.
Ev'ry one would have a friend,
that right would always win,
and love would never end:
This is my grown-up christmas list.

What is this illusion called the innocence of youth?
Maybe only in our blind belief can we ever find the truth!

There'd be...
No more lives torn apart,
and wars would never start,
and time would heal all hearts.
Ev'ry one would have a friend,
that right would always win,
and love would never end:
This is my grown-up christmas list,
this is my only lifelong wish,

This is my Grown-up Christmas List!

The Red Shoes

This isn't a normal post for me. In fact, if you click the below link and read, you're going to see some cuss words and some questionable material. I'm just warning you.

Ladies, if you do choose to read this. You will have just read the first chapter in a book I recommend you reading, called, "Annie Freeman's Fabulous Traveling Funeral". I know, weird title. But an amazing book. You'll laugh, cry and be inspired to look at and live life in a whole new way. It's one of those books which you just happen upon in the sales bin because it looks "interesting". And the next thing you know, you're immersed within its pages, not coming up for air until the last page. And on that final page, you feel as though you are different some how. As though you've changed through 'sharing' these experiences with the characters. It's just a great book. I hope you read it.

I had a day like the lady below the other day, which is why I thought to share this exerpt. I know we've all had days like this. The fact that it revolved around a desinigrating bra cracked me up, because I too had that problem. Though, mine wasn't a gaping hole. Rather, the under wire attacked me all day long. I sadly 'fixed' it with electrical tape. How sad is that?!? But come on, I know you can relate. There are other things to spend money on right now, like bills and Christmas gifts. Boy am I learning a lesson in trusting Him for my needs. But anyway, that's another post all together. On with the show. I hope you enjoy the read... I hope it makes you laugh!!

Me and God

I watched a two hour episode of "The Waltons" on the Hallmark channel today. Boy, I love that show. I forgot what a gem is it. It's just so wholesome. I miss shows like that on TV now a days. I talk like I'm old, but you know what I mean. Then tonight, I watched this really sweet Hallmark movie on CBS, "Hollis Woods". I tell you what, those Hallmark commercials get me every time. There were a few tonight which made me tear up. So Sweet. Anyway, I heard this on the radio tonight and wanted to share the lyrics from Josh Turner. It's a simple song, but says a lot.

There ain't nothing that can't be done
By me and God
Ain't nobody come in between me and God
One day we'll live together
Where the angels trod
Me and God

Early in the morning talking it over
Me and God
Late at night talking it over
Me and God
You could say where like two peas in a pod
Me and God

He's my Father
He's my friend
The beginning
And the end
He rules the world
With a staff and rod
We're a team
Me and God

I am weak and he is strong
Me and God
He forgives me when I'm wrong
Me and God
He's the one I lean on
When life gets hard
Me and God

He's my Father
He's my friend
The beginning
And the end
He rules the world
With a staff and rod
We're a team
Me and God

He rules the world
With a staff and rod
We're a team
Me and God

We're a team
Me and God