Monday, January 7, 2008

Only love can change your life...

Fiction and reality collide
Faceless and so busted up inside
You've been searching you've been crying out
Will you be destroyed by all your doubt?

You decide
(Who will you run to)
Wrong or right
(There is no reason)
For you to hide
Only love can change your life
You decide

God is calling out to you again
Let Him pull you, let Him take you in
From the fear that swallows up for your life
Will you stay the same or will you fight?

You decide
(Who will you run to)
Wrong or right
(There is no reason)
For you to hide
Only love can change your life
Only love can change your life

Every day you hold on to your lonely broken heart
(It's tearing you apart)
God is calling out to you just let healing start
(Will you open up and let Him in)

You decide
(Who will you run to)
Wrong or right
(There is no reason)
For you to hide
Only love can change your life
You decide
(You Decide by Fireflight
)


I heard this while driving to Atlanta this weekend to visit and *old* friend, whom I haven't seen in entirely too long! (Hey Erin, Jeff and Love Bug!) iTunes has it in Alternative genre, but when I really listened to the words, I realized it could easily be a Christian song as well! I'm in some sort of weird transition right now. I've felt it coming, but didn't know what to do for myself to make me feel better. I don't even necessarily know how to translate what's going on in my head. I feel very . . . .

Lost.
Confused.
Lonely.

Man, this song really describes how I'm feeling. It's funny. I was talking to Erin about this yesterday. How often God will speak to me through music. It's my springboard for knowledge. I hear something, mull it over for a while and finally decide to just write about it. What's funny is that I often feel as though I'm screaming but people look right through me as I don't exist. It's one of the many on-going battles I have. . . and unfortunately, Satan jumps on it. But, that's another post for another day.

Remember my resolution not to resolve? Well, I'm reading this amazing book called, "Coming Up For Air" by Margaret Becker. (She's also the author of one of my top ten favorite books, "With New Eyes"). It's basically about how she took two months and refocused her life back on God. (That's the extremely simplistic explanation, but you should seriously check it out!) In a chapter I read yesterday, she said 'instead of making resolutions about things I'm going to do, I'm going to make a list of things I'm not going to do'. Funny how a different perspective completely changes the way one thinks? What am I not going to do (or try really hard to not do) in 2008? (That too will have to be another post. I keep getting sidetracked from my original intention.)

I believe there's a battle waging in the Heavens for me. Yes, I'm saved, but am I living victoriously? Yes, I'm one of His children, but do I run to Him when things go wrong? This past year has been, well, just interesting. As my friend so boldly told me that night at Starbucks, I'm heading down a path which might take me years to recover. It's not that I'm doing anything bad, necessarily. But I'm not really living! That in and of itself is a great tragedy.

The song says, "Will you stay the same or will you fight?" That about sums up this post. Am I going to keep repeating the monotony of my life or am I going to get out there and start making changes? I know there are caverns yet explored in my being. God made me SO creative and often, I don't have a clue how to express what's buried deep within me. I don't want to stay the same. I want to one day stand on a stage and proclaim how God healed me. Share about how I over came depression and didn't allow Satan to use that in my life. Oh how I long for that day. What a glorious day that will be!

4 comments:

StaceyStace said...

This makes me think of Psalm 42:5 --

"Why are you cast down, O my soul? And why are you disquieted within me? Hope in God, for I shall yet praise Him for the help of His countenance."

Just when you think you can't hold on any longer...hold on! Hold on to Him no matter what you feel. He is establishing His purposes and He can be trusted.

I'm surely not saying that your feelings are not important - God cares very much about you! But they are secondary to what He wants to accomplish in and for you. Just hang in there, my sister! For you shall yet praise Him!

Laura, Robert, and Clifton said...

I'm sad, you were in Atlanta and you did come say hi :(. Depression is hard. I hope to one day stand up with you and tell how I defeated it too :o).

Laura, Robert, and Clifton said...

I meant did not come say hi :)

Poet4Him77 said...

Laura, I totally forgot you lived in Atlanta too! Where exactly? My friend lives in Dallas (GA). Next time I go, I need to stop by your house too!

Depression is weird. It comes and goes. Sometimes worse than other times. I recently found out that my mom has struggled with it her entire life. It shouldn't be this thing that people deal with in secret. I didn't know you dealt with it too?