Seriously Long Post

Wow, where did February go? Though, thankfully, it went quickly. Life in the mortgage business has been INSANE lately! No time to get anything done!! I am a girl with many different jobs to do under my one job. Which, well, frankly is going to drive me insane one day. Those men in white jackets are going to show up and take me away. Hmm, I'm wondering if that would be so bad. It would be quiet and no one would ask me something every five seconds! See, here's the thing, my parents are constantly drilling in my head to be thankful for such situations, as it's job security. But honestly, it's just too much for this one girl to handle anymore. Every day, new responsibilities are added and every day I come home more stressed out. If something goes wrong, of course it's my fault. Don't EVEN get me started on the toner issue we had the other day. Anyway, enough complaining.

So, last Wednesday, I worked on my book for about four hours. It was awesome and exhausting at the same time. I haven't even begun to edit, mostly, just trying to get the text onto the page. Then, I'll figure out how to make everything look "just so". I know what I want it to look like in my head, so hopefully I can make that happen. I LOVE the way I feel when I'm working on it. I feel infigurated and my creative juices are just flowing free! If only I could find a job like that too! PRAY! How amazing would that be. I know jobs like that exist.

This is such a hodge-podge post... though, aren't those usually the most fun. I've been wanting to write on here for forever now, but I'm just too exhausted by the time I finally sit in front of my computer at night. I literally fell asleep while writing an email the other night. How sad is that?!?!

Yesterday, whew, yesterday was pretty hellish. I told myself not to cry and I only teared up once. Pretty good for me. Usually when I get that stressed out, I just cry. haha I'm such a wuss. All I really wanted to do was come home and get in PJs and watch "Martian Child", but instead, I went to a birthday party for my Leap Year friend. It was her 7th birthday!!!! (Actually 28th!) HAPPY BIRTHDAY MICAH! I'm really so glad I went. Although, finding the church was quite a challenge. You see, I'm pretty directionally challenged when it comes to finding places. I got MapQuest directions, but 'somehow' I got turned around, and it was getting dark, and raining, and frankly, I was getting kinda freaked out and trying to talk myself out of even going... and about that time, I saw the church!! Praise God!! Yeah me.

I know some of the people who go there, but we haven't really talked in more than a year, so it's that awkward time of getting reaquanted. I honestly, wasn't in the mood to be fake. So, instead, I saw some kiddos I knew -- and hoped they still remembered me -- and they did. It was awesome. I sat down on the steps next to a 5, 3 and 1 year old and the immediately scooted next to me and started talking. Ivey and Noah said, "Hey! I remember you!" And Levi crawled into my lap as if we were best friends. Gosh, gotta love kids. That really made me want to cry.... even now I tear up. It was just a great moment. We spent the next 30 minutes talking about everything! It reassured me that when Grant got old enough to talk that it would be OK. You see, there's always been this *thing* with kids, as soon as they could talk, they didn't really talk to me anymore. I know that sounds crazy, but I've been babysitting forever and it's always been this way. But, I know my buddy loves me. Even gives me "sweet" over the phone (via anyone standing by.)

I think I've probably lost the attension of anyone who actually reads my blog, but that's OK, it's nice to just write... without any interruptions.

Oh! I wanted to brag on GOD some. You see (why do I keep saying that?), I've been really having to trust God for money since the beginning of the year. I knew He would provide for me one way or the other, I just needed to stop worrying so much. (Please help me with my unbelief!) Well, my Provider totally took care of His child!!! I was talking to my parents about everything that was going on.... I have a lot of trouble asking for help. I don't know why. I guess I'm just trying to be fully independant, but that's frankly NOT possible. So I was just talking to my mom... not to gain any sympathy or even any money, just a daughter talking to her mom. She got this look in her eye and she said, well, your father and I have decided to give you a little surprise! You see (ack there it is again, I need a new transition!), my dad is part owner of an orange grove in FL (which I always forget about) and apparently, the oranges did really well this year so everyone got bonuses! My gracious parents decided to share this with my sister and I! Wow, I nearly cried. It literally covered everything I was worried about. Isn't GOD awesome! I so don't deserve His ever-loving generousity!!

HOW GREAT IS OUR GOD! SING WITH ME, HOW GREAT IS OUR GOD?!

Back to last night. I had the amazing opportunity to talk with my friend, whom we don't get to spend much time together, but when we do, it's as though no time as passed. We were kinda anti-social, but who cares. I wouldn't have traded that time for anything!! It's an interested paradox, really. Everyone around me is married with kids or pregnant. (Ok, not everyone, I just like to exaggerate.) But, I'm struggling with this fact. It makes me feel... well, all kinds of negative feelings that I don't want to share. In my head, I *know* it's prefectly fine that this is the case. It's not my time, not the *one*, etc, etc, etc. But in my heart... that's a completely different story. And STUPID SATAN of course is going to play on that! What a poo poo head. So anways, yeah, some prayer would be awesome in that area of my life. I seriously don't want to be a downer about this all the time.. and it surely doesn't dominate my life or anything, though, I suppose it does seem that way on here. I really am sorry about that.

Does anyone have a riding lawn mower and would be willing to give about 30 minutes of their time? Please leave a comment. Our townhouses have a patch of grass that no one wants to take responsibility for, so of course, it's left up to me. I have an electric mower, which actually, is quite amazing, but I need help. Wow, look at me asking for help. Good job, Mer. But seriously, let me know if you live in Helena area and would like to give of your time. I can't pay you, but I can make you a mix CD. I have a gifting in that area.

Any LOST fans out there? What did you think of Thursday's episode?!? After some thought, I decided my "constant" would be my Mom.

OK, enough rambling. I need to get going, get some breakfast err lunch? and get busy working on my book. Btw, my working title, in case you were wondering: "Strength in the Struggle: A Pocket of Grace". Whatcha think?