Friday, June 12, 2009

"My Person"

The past week or so, I've been waking up in the middle of the night because of a bad dream. I don't have bad dreams often, so I'm not sure what's up. The past two nights, just before I go to sleep, I say outloud, "Please dream something good. Please let me get through the night without a nightmare; maybe even let me dream about a boy." Well, last night I dreamed about a boy! In fact, my dream felt so much like real life that when I woke up, that was my nightmare since none of it was true. Ironic, huh?

My dream was about DB whom I haven't seen in forever; ten years or so. Who knows what was up with my subconscious last night. I tried desperately all day to remember the details, but as the day progressed, it just seems surreal now. In fact, when my alarm went off this morning and ever seven minutes after for the next thirty minutes, I was able to keep my dream going. As if I could tangible hang on to the last bit of that reality. When I finally got out of bed, I was in a funk. It just seemed so real!! I wanted it to be real!

Like I said, I don't remember all the details, but somehow DB and I ran into each other after all these years. We got to talking about life and I got my usual chatty self. It just felt right. He got me. We clicked. We hugged goodbye and I just 'knew' that he was "the one". (I only just thought of this, but my friend and I were talking about and wondering how people know when they meet "the one", that they are indeed "the one". I'm sure that conversation enfluenced my subconscious a little. But anyway... )

It all felt so natural, not the way I usually am with boys. All my life, I had more friends who were boys than girls, but somewhere along the lines that changed. Maybe when I grew breasts. No, just kidding. I tend to feel awkward, not sure what to say or do; not sure what's expected of me. But in my dream, I was perfectly at peace. Felt completely comfortable and normal. Later in the dream, I gave DB a call and apologized for rambling on and on and he said, "Don't apologize, I thought it was the cutest thing ever." He then went into a bit of a monologue about how great I am and how glad he was to have run into me. But then I woke up.

DB lives on the other side of the world and last I heard was engaged... I wonder what that all means?

Which brings me to "my person". On Grey's Anatomy, Cristina Yang coined this expression by talking about her "person", Meredith Grey, and said, "She's my person. If I murdered someone, she's the person I'd call to help me drag the corpse across the living room floor. She's my person." I felt like DB was "my person" and I was like finally!! It's happened to me too! But alas, it was but a dream.

'Tis the season for engagements. It seems girls are dropping like flies... Which, is great! I really am so happy for them. But for me, it's a little bittersweet. I wonder when my time will come? I wonder how much longer I'll have to wait. I feel like, the longer I'm single, the harder marriage will be. I'm becoming more and more independant, plus I'm stubborn too, usually to a fault.

I may put on a tough-girl image, but I'm an ooey-goey romantic at heart. I love to watch sappy chick flicks. I cry at Hallmark commercials. The whole nine yards! But I can't help but feel as though something is missing. I know I can really only ever find true completion within Jesus, but I have to wonder why He would create me with these specifics dreams and desires if He wasn't going to fulfill them someday... The question is when? Will I be an old woman like Sarah in the Bible? I wonder about these things. Obviously, my timing isn't God's. I want His best for my life and refuse to settle; so I guess I'll continue trying to be patient for now.

I can't wait to meet "my person"!

1 comment:

Jennifer said...

I remember you telling me about a similar dream a couple of years ago (maybe more). But in that one, I don't think the guy was specific, but it he was "the one". I used to have similar dreams, until I met Preston, and I knew it was because I had found the one I had been dreaming about. I think on its surface, these dreams are God showing you that He does have your person out there, and He will bring him to you in His perfect way.

It also sounds like you're under some spiritual warfare. I would love to come over and pray with you and over your house with you if you would like. I know that sounds weird, but it works!