Tuesday, February 5, 2008

Offering: My Whole Heart

"All I want to do, is to
bring to You a love so pure
a love that's Yours.
All I want to do, is to
bring to You my heart.

All I want to do, is to
bring to You a love so pure
a love that's Yours.
All I want to do, is to
bring to You my heart.

'Cause, all I want to do, is to
bring to You a love so pure
a love that's Yours.

All I want to do, is to
bring to You
bring to You
bring to You
bring to You
MY WHOLE HEART!"

By Daniel Bashta


That being said... what I want to do and what I actually do are two different things. If I say that I am a tree, yet have no branches, am I merely a stick? A stick with good intentions? Or am I a tree with budding blossoms; just waiting to be pruned? Oh, so many analogies, I can't stand it! But I'm too tired to write like that, so for now, here's what's going on inside my brain.

First, sometimes, when I'm really, really still, I feel a heartbeat in my fingertips. It's as though they are keeping my passions alive. As long my hands are alive, the rest of me will eventually catch up and create. Write. Paint. Draw. When the cacophony of this world drowns out my passionate heartbeat, it's then I fear I'm losing myself.

Which brings me to my second thought, lately, I feel as though the world is spinning around me at mock 9, while I'm standing in the eye of the storm. The world around me is basically calm. Normal. Boring and monontonous. I'm having a lot of trouble with the 'grass is greener on the other side of the fence' mentality. All but a few of my friends are now married with little ones. I can't help but envy them. Which, I know, you moms out there are saying the same thing about my life. Satisfied. Why can't I be satisfied with where God has me right now? I can hear my mom in my head, "Want some cheese with that whine?" Moving on.

Third, when I loved to my lovely town of Helena in October '06, I registered to vote, but didn't think anything of it, until last week, when I hadn't received anything in the mail about where I needed to go to vote and such. So, me being the worry wort, started to freak out a little. Fast forward to "Super Tuesday" and I'm not sure what to do. The short version of the story. I decide to go where I think I'm supposed to go. I bring proof, that yes, I do live here and I'm not some crazy woman. End result: yes, I'm registered and yes I'm able to vote.

What happened when leaving the parking lot you ask? I start to cry. Crazy hormones. Was it the stress of getting to that point? Was it the relief that I was able to make my voice heard, on the one day it really matters? I believe it was both those things, and then some. You see, I talk to myself A LOT in the car. Myself and I were talking on the way home from work. Trying to reassure myself that everything would turn out OK and it would all work out in the end; which of course it did and I had no reason to worry... because after all, "Why borrow worries for tomorrow?" (Another mom saying that I think I butchered.)

I got to thinking about the whole process of voting. Way back when women had to fight to have the chance to vote. And now, while people are very opinionated about who they believe will serve our country the best. Bottom line: No one will ever measure up. It's just not going to happen. Why get your panies in a wad over something so trivial? Wait. Don't read too much into that statement. While I believe politics are extremely important to the US as a whole, I also believe that God's in control. He already knows who's going to be President. He already knows everything. Daunting huh?

So, while my analytical self had all these thoughts, as usual my synapises are working overtime and I think my brain short circuited... for the second time today. I stopped thinking; which is hard, believe me. And this song was playing on my iPod. "All I want to do is to bring You my whole heart." If only it was that simple. Shouldn't it be that simple? Why isn't it that simple? Oh yeah, the cacophony of every day life. Sometimes, I wish I could just walk away from everything and chase whole heartedly after my dreams. Problem being, I've bought into the "American Dream" - house, car, kids, etc. This is a whole can of worms for another post, and while I'm not saying anything is wrong with this, at all, I sometimes think it causes us to lose focus. It causes me to lose focus on what's really important.

I'm more than half way into my 30th year and what a doozy it's been. In many ways, I feel like I'm going through some kind of life-crisis. Perhaps it's providing a jump start to change. I'm not a big fan of change.. but it's necessary. Anyway, enough rambling on my part. My goal was to write and get to bed early tonight.

What's God doing in your life? What makes your fingertips beat with passion? What would you do to present your WHOLE heart to Him in an act of service or passion? I welcome your comments.

7 comments:

StaceyStace said...

Meredith,

What God has been teaching me lately, among other things, but especially this: it all begins and ends with Him. The only way I can be free is to abide in Him. He has blessed me so much in my life, but until I latched on to this, I had never really been able to enjoy any of it. I am free today as long as I keep my eyes on Him - and off of me. I am free when I replace the lies of Satan with the truth of God's Word. I am who HE says I am, no matter what I've been told by others. I have value because HE placed it on me with HIS love.

Thanks for asking! And for sharing.

Emily said...

Hey girl...:) I think we are very similar in our wireing, I am a "thinker" too and I believe it is a gift, but there is the negative side too (like multiple brain short circuits a day!)
I could think of many things that make me feel passionate, some of which I can't do right now because of my family responsabilities. God knows those dreams, writing, going to finish my degree, other things too. Right now, if I could follow my passionate pulse in my own reality, I would pour my life into creating a wonderful home environment for my family to thrive. This really does mean a lot to me. I would also be healthy so I could love my family more. All of that said, I would also love to minister to women through Bible study, or whatever. I am actually very tired right now too, I am rambling... Sometimes when I get discouraged, I pray and ask God to show me the dreams that He has for me again.
Thanks for sharing your heart:)

Poet4Him77 said...

Stacey,

Wow. This sounds very much like something I once read in a book... of course, all the details surrounding where, completely escapes me right now. I want to say it was Beth Moore?

Let me start over. OK, there are these five sayings (which I actually have posted on my work computer), dealing with what you're learning about right now. It's a defense mechanism against the Enemy. Once you say all 5 truths, your hand is raised and you mean business. Man, I wish I could remember what I'm talking about. haha I'll get back with you.

Poet4Him77 said...

Emily,

Yeah for another thinker out there. I always blog before I go to bed, as a way to 'process' the day. So, I tend to be on the dramatic side of my analytic thinking. If that makes any sense? Though, I'm pretty dramatic in my own, unsuspecting way. How good of you to make it to the end of all my rambling. Which btw, I didn't think you were rambling. Kinda sounded like a note to a pen pal or something.

Your dreams sound amazing! I'm excited for you! Wow, a Bible study for women? That's huge! Have you thought about making that happen? Maybe you could do it at church and have them provide child care. Meet with moms, like you, dealing with issues you all have in common. I'm encouraged by you.

Emily said...

hey! I think the 5 sayings you are talking about may be from Believing God?
1.God is who He says He is
2. God can do what He says He can do
3. I am who God says I am
4. I can do all things through Christ
5. God's Word is alive and active in me
I'm Believing God!

StaceyStace said...

Hey, ladies!
Those sayings of Beth's sound great! And I do listen to her, so I am sure she has impacted even what I commented. In fact I listened on Monday (I think it was Mon.!)to her Romans teaching on the web and I was overwhelmed with how concise what she had to say applied to my heart. You know, one of those moments where you know the Spirit is loving on you through the words of another. Our God is so good!

Poet4Him77 said...

Emily - YES! You are correct!! That is an awesome book. You must have read it to be able to make sense of my rambling? :-)