Day One: Creating a Book

I started working on my book tonight. I'm so excited I can hardly stand it. I had to formulate a plan of what to do for a few days, before I could even begin. But then the other morning, I knew what I should do... compile the VOTDs I've written over the years and showcase some of my photography as well. Doesn't that sound like a neat idea? I wish I could go spend a week or two in Starbucks and just write and drink mochas. I can't wait to see how God gets glory for this project! Several of my friends have already requested a copy once I'm done. That to me, is so humbling! It's my hope that other's grow in Him through reading my words.

Blurb Booksmart

OK, blog friends, I found an amazing site last night called blurb. It's a site where you can literally create your own book!! This is something I've been interested in quite some time, but have never found anywhere that's easy to use and inexpensive as well. But this is it, my friends. All you have to do is download the program which allows you to CREATE everything. While I realize if you're a Mac user, this is already an option, but to us PC folks, I find this to be quite amazing.

Expect Bookstore-Quality Books

Commercial-quality — Books feature four-color printing on 80# coated, semi-matte paper.

Flexibility — Books can be 20 to 440 pages.

Sturdy covers — Choose from black-linen hardcovers with library binding and custom 4-color laminated dust jackets, or softcovers with durable perfect binding.

Affordable — Prices start at just $12.95. Order one or many.

Fast turnaround — Once uploaded and ordered, your book will arrive in approximately
7 to 10 business days.

Free and Easy to Use Software

Cross-platform — Works on both Mac and PC.

Easy to make — Drag and drop images and text into hundreds of professionally designed layouts to create a book that reflects your style.

Creative control — Design and edit your book’s text and photos with intuitive layout tools.

Font support — Use all your own fonts in a variety of sizes and text styles.

Easy image management — Keep track of the images in your book with the “My Imported Photos” library.

So, if you've ever wanted to get "published", you should check out their site!! (I won't be receiving any referal fees or anything like that, I just wanted to share my joy!)

I Am Blessed!!

I heard this AMAZING song on the radio this morning and will be downloading it from iTunes when I get home. Here are the lyrics, check it out:


Blessed by Rachel Lampa
I may never climb a mountain so I can see the world from there
I may never ride the waves and taste the salty ocean air
Or build a bridge, that would last a hundred years
But no matter where the road leads
One thing is always clear

I am blessed, I am blessed
From when I rise up in the morning
Til I lay my head to rest
I feel You near me
You sooth me when I'm weary
Oh Lord, for all the worst and all the best
I am blessed

All along the road less traveled, I have crawled and I have run
I have wandered through the wind and rain until I found the sun
The watching eyes asked me why, I walked this narrow way
I will gladly give the reason
For the hope I have today

I am blessed, I am blessed
From when I rise up in the morning
Til I lay my head to rest
I feel You near me
You sooth me when I'm weary
Oh Lord, for all the worst and all the best
I am blessed

You've given me joy
You've given me love
You give me strength when I want to give up
You came from Heaven to rescue my soul
This is the reason I know
I know

I am blessed, I am blessed
From when I rise up in the morning
Til I lay my head to rest
I feel You near me
You sooth me when I'm weary
Oh Lord, for all the worst and all the best
I am blessed

Worlds Apart

I am the only one to blame for this
Somehow it all ends up the same
Soaring on the wings of selfish pride
I flew too high and like Icarus I collide
With a world I try so hard to leave behind
To rid myself of all but love
to give and die

To turn away and not become
Another nail to pierce the skin of one who loves
more deeply than the oceans,
more abundant than the tears
Of a world embracing every heartache

Can I be the one to sacrifice
Or grip the spear and watch the blood and water flow

To love you - take my world apart
To need you - I am on my knees
To love you - take my world apart
To need you - broken on my knees

All said and done I stand alone
Amongst remains of a life I should not own
It takes all I am to believe
In the mercy that covers me

Did you really have to die for me?
All I am for all you are
Because what I need and what I believe are worlds apart

I look beyond the empty cross
forgetting what my life has cost
and wipe away the crimson stains
and dull the nails that still remain
More and more I need you now,
I owe you more each passing hour
the battle between grace and pride
I gave up not so long ago
So steal my heart and take the pain
and wash the feet and cleanse my pride
take the selfish, take the weak,
and all the things I cannot hide
take the beauty, take my tears
the sin-soaked heart and make it yours
take my world all apart
take it now, take it now
and serve the ones that I despise
speak the words I can't deny
watch the world I used to love
fall to dust and thrown away
I look beyond the empty cross
forgetting what my life has cost
so wipe away the crimson stains
and dull the nails that still remain
so steal my heart and take the pain
take the selfish, take the weak
and all the things I cannot hide
take the beauty, take my tears
take my world apart, take my world apart
I pray, I pray, I pray
take my world apart

By Jars of Clay

Less Like Scars

Tomorrow marks six months into my 30th year... What a strange 6 months it's been. A whole lot of changes, but also my life has been stagnent as well. Yeah, I know, it's an oxymoron. I guess I kinda feel like a level... like what a carpenter might use. I'm constantly trying to keep the "bubble" in the middle; whatever that might be. Sometimes I lose my balance and crash. Othertimes, I 'appear' to have it under control. Strangely enough, the times when things are in control are those times when I'm not in control at all. Funny how that works.

OK, I'm physically and mentally exhausted to say anything more... but these lyrics by Sara Groves reminded me of how I'm feeling. Hope you are encouraged by them.


It's been a hard year
But I'm climbing out of the rubble
These lessons are hard
Healing changes are subtle
But every day it's

Less like tearing, more like building
Less like captive, more like willing
Less like breakdown, more like surrender
Less like haunting, more like remember

And I feel you here
And you're picking up the pieces
Forever faithful
It seemed out of my hands, a bad situation
But you are able
And in your hands the pain and hurt
Look less like scars and more like
Character

Less like a prison, more like my room
It's less like a casket, more like a womb
Less like dying, more like transcending
Less like fear, less like an ending

And I feel you here
And you're picking up the pieces
Forever faithful
It seemed out of my hands, a bad situation
But you are able
And in your hands the pain and hurt
Look less like scars

Just a little while ago
I couldn't feel the power or the hope
I couldn't cope, I couldn't feel a thing
Just a little while back
I was desperate, broken, laid out, hoping
You would come

And I need you
And I want you here
And I feel you

And I know you're here
And you're picking up the pieces
Forever faithful
It seemed out of my hands, a bad, bad situation
But you are able

And in your hands the pain and hurt
Look less like scars (x3)

And more like
Character

Table For Two

Danny and I spent another late night over pancakes,
Talkin' 'bout soccer
And how every man's just the same
We made speculation
On the who's and the when's of our futures
And how everyone's lonely
But still we just couldn't complain

And how we just hate being alone
Could I have missed my only chance
And now I'm just wasting my time
By looking around
But you know I know better
I'm not gonna worry 'bout nothing
Cause if the birds and the flowers survive
Then I'll make it okay
I'm given a chance and a rock
see which one breaks a window
See which one keeps me up all night and into the day

Because I'm so scared of being alone
That I forget what house I live in
But it's not my job to wait by the phone
For her to call

Well this day's been crazy
But everything's happened on schedule
from the rain and the cold
To the drink that I spilled on my shirt
'Cause You knew how You'd save me
before I fell dead in the garden
And You knew this day
long before You made me out of dirt

And You know the plans that You have for me
And You can't plan the end and not plan the means
And so I suppose I just need some peace
Just to get me to sleep.

~ By Caedmon's Call

How Can I Keep From Singing

I woke up singing this song today. . .

I pretend that I'm strong. At least, I try to convince myself of this fact. I've also always tried to do everything on my own; though, obviously that doesn't work out so well. Contrary to this blog, I actually don't like to talk about myself, nor burden others with the things I'm going through. But His strength is made perfect in my weaknesses. ("My God is so big! So strong and so mighty, there's nothing my God can not do!")

I am abundantly blessed. Roof over my head. Car to get to work. Heck, a job to pay for these things. I never go hungry and somehow, my bills always get paid. Despite all this and for no apparent reason at all, I've always had a hard time trusting God. I can't explain it. No tramatic childhood story to give reason why this is true. It just is. I feel silly for even admitting it now. But anyway, things have been happening lately which lead me to a place where I have to trust that everything's going to be OK. My first instinct is to freak out and try to control things; which, as we all know, never works.

I went to the dentist today - no cavities, yeah! But, I've been putting off something that's going to be VERY costly. (I have to get two crowns. I grind my teeth at night and have worn down my back teeth to almost nothing... tmi?) Thankfully, I think my insurance will cover a good bit of it, but I'm still going to be poor for a while. I told my mom about it and she said, "If you're not good to your teeth, then they'll be false to you." (Get it?) I love my mom.

God already is providing for me. . . Tonight, for some reason, I actually answered the phone without screening the call. It turned out to be Nelson market research. Wouldn't you know it, I'm exactly the target age they are looking for. All I have to do is fill out a journal of the TV I watch for a week and send it back in. Also, I get to make any comments I want about how TV could be improved. (Can we say more family oriented programs?) Oh and for my 'trouble', they are paying me $40! Isn't that amazing! $40 is a lot of money for me!

So, how can I keep from singing His praise? I'm amazed by the way He loves me.

Offering: My Whole Heart

"All I want to do, is to
bring to You a love so pure
a love that's Yours.
All I want to do, is to
bring to You my heart.

All I want to do, is to
bring to You a love so pure
a love that's Yours.
All I want to do, is to
bring to You my heart.

'Cause, all I want to do, is to
bring to You a love so pure
a love that's Yours.

All I want to do, is to
bring to You
bring to You
bring to You
bring to You
MY WHOLE HEART!"

By Daniel Bashta

That being said... what I want to do and what I actually do are two different things. If I say that I am a tree, yet have no branches, am I merely a stick? A stick with good intentions? Or am I a tree with budding blossoms; just waiting to be pruned? Oh, so many analogies, I can't stand it! But I'm too tired to write like that, so for now, here's what's going on inside my brain.

First, sometimes, when I'm really, really still, I feel a heartbeat in my fingertips. It's as though they are keeping my passions alive. As long my hands are alive, the rest of me will eventually catch up and create. Write. Paint. Draw. When the cacophony of this world drowns out my passionate heartbeat, it's then I fear I'm losing myself.

Which brings me to my second thought, lately, I feel as though the world is spinning around me at mock 9, while I'm standing in the eye of the storm. The world around me is basically calm. Normal. Boring and monontonous. I'm having a lot of trouble with the 'grass is greener on the other side of the fence' mentality. All but a few of my friends are now married with little ones. I can't help but envy them. Which, I know, you moms out there are saying the same thing about my life. Satisfied. Why can't I be satisfied with where God has me right now? I can hear my mom in my head, "Want some cheese with that whine?" Moving on.

Third, when I loved to my lovely town of Helena in October '06, I registered to vote, but didn't think anything of it, until last week, when I hadn't received anything in the mail about where I needed to go to vote and such. So, me being the worry wort, started to freak out a little. Fast forward to "Super Tuesday" and I'm not sure what to do. The short version of the story. I decide to go where I think I'm supposed to go. I bring proof, that yes, I do live here and I'm not some crazy woman. End result: yes, I'm registered and yes I'm able to vote.

What happened when leaving the parking lot you ask? I start to cry. Crazy hormones. Was it the stress of getting to that point? Was it the relief that I was able to make my voice heard, on the one day it really matters? I believe it was both those things, and then some. You see, I talk to myself A LOT in the car. Myself and I were talking on the way home from work. Trying to reassure myself that everything would turn out OK and it would all work out in the end; which of course it did and I had no reason to worry... because after all, "Why borrow worries for tomorrow?" (Another mom saying that I think I butchered.)

I got to thinking about the whole process of voting. Way back when women had to fight to have the chance to vote. And now, while people are very opinionated about who they believe will serve our country the best. Bottom line: No one will ever measure up. It's just not going to happen. Why get your panies in a wad over something so trivial? Wait. Don't read too much into that statement. While I believe politics are extremely important to the US as a whole, I also believe that God's in control. He already knows who's going to be President. He already knows everything. Daunting huh?

So, while my analytical self had all these thoughts, as usual my synapises are working overtime and I think my brain short circuited... for the second time today. I stopped thinking; which is hard, believe me. And this song was playing on my iPod. "All I want to do is to bring You my whole heart." If only it was that simple. Shouldn't it be that simple? Why isn't it that simple? Oh yeah, the cacophony of every day life. Sometimes, I wish I could just walk away from everything and chase whole heartedly after my dreams. Problem being, I've bought into the "American Dream" - house, car, kids, etc. This is a whole can of worms for another post, and while I'm not saying anything is wrong with this, at all, I sometimes think it causes us to lose focus. It causes me to lose focus on what's really important.

I'm more than half way into my 30th year and what a doozy it's been. In many ways, I feel like I'm going through some kind of life-crisis. Perhaps it's providing a jump start to change. I'm not a big fan of change.. but it's necessary. Anyway, enough rambling on my part. My goal was to write and get to bed early tonight.

What's God doing in your life? What makes your fingertips beat with passion? What would you do to present your WHOLE heart to Him in an act of service or passion? I welcome your comments.