Offering: My Whole Heart

"All I want to do, is to
bring to You a love so pure
a love that's Yours.
All I want to do, is to
bring to You my heart.

All I want to do, is to
bring to You a love so pure
a love that's Yours.
All I want to do, is to
bring to You my heart.

'Cause, all I want to do, is to
bring to You a love so pure
a love that's Yours.

All I want to do, is to
bring to You
bring to You
bring to You
bring to You
MY WHOLE HEART!"

By Daniel Bashta

That being said... what I want to do and what I actually do are two different things. If I say that I am a tree, yet have no branches, am I merely a stick? A stick with good intentions? Or am I a tree with budding blossoms; just waiting to be pruned? Oh, so many analogies, I can't stand it! But I'm too tired to write like that, so for now, here's what's going on inside my brain.

First, sometimes, when I'm really, really still, I feel a heartbeat in my fingertips. It's as though they are keeping my passions alive. As long my hands are alive, the rest of me will eventually catch up and create. Write. Paint. Draw. When the cacophony of this world drowns out my passionate heartbeat, it's then I fear I'm losing myself.

Which brings me to my second thought, lately, I feel as though the world is spinning around me at mock 9, while I'm standing in the eye of the storm. The world around me is basically calm. Normal. Boring and monontonous. I'm having a lot of trouble with the 'grass is greener on the other side of the fence' mentality. All but a few of my friends are now married with little ones. I can't help but envy them. Which, I know, you moms out there are saying the same thing about my life. Satisfied. Why can't I be satisfied with where God has me right now? I can hear my mom in my head, "Want some cheese with that whine?" Moving on.

Third, when I loved to my lovely town of Helena in October '06, I registered to vote, but didn't think anything of it, until last week, when I hadn't received anything in the mail about where I needed to go to vote and such. So, me being the worry wort, started to freak out a little. Fast forward to "Super Tuesday" and I'm not sure what to do. The short version of the story. I decide to go where I think I'm supposed to go. I bring proof, that yes, I do live here and I'm not some crazy woman. End result: yes, I'm registered and yes I'm able to vote.

What happened when leaving the parking lot you ask? I start to cry. Crazy hormones. Was it the stress of getting to that point? Was it the relief that I was able to make my voice heard, on the one day it really matters? I believe it was both those things, and then some. You see, I talk to myself A LOT in the car. Myself and I were talking on the way home from work. Trying to reassure myself that everything would turn out OK and it would all work out in the end; which of course it did and I had no reason to worry... because after all, "Why borrow worries for tomorrow?" (Another mom saying that I think I butchered.)

I got to thinking about the whole process of voting. Way back when women had to fight to have the chance to vote. And now, while people are very opinionated about who they believe will serve our country the best. Bottom line: No one will ever measure up. It's just not going to happen. Why get your panies in a wad over something so trivial? Wait. Don't read too much into that statement. While I believe politics are extremely important to the US as a whole, I also believe that God's in control. He already knows who's going to be President. He already knows everything. Daunting huh?

So, while my analytical self had all these thoughts, as usual my synapises are working overtime and I think my brain short circuited... for the second time today. I stopped thinking; which is hard, believe me. And this song was playing on my iPod. "All I want to do is to bring You my whole heart." If only it was that simple. Shouldn't it be that simple? Why isn't it that simple? Oh yeah, the cacophony of every day life. Sometimes, I wish I could just walk away from everything and chase whole heartedly after my dreams. Problem being, I've bought into the "American Dream" - house, car, kids, etc. This is a whole can of worms for another post, and while I'm not saying anything is wrong with this, at all, I sometimes think it causes us to lose focus. It causes me to lose focus on what's really important.

I'm more than half way into my 30th year and what a doozy it's been. In many ways, I feel like I'm going through some kind of life-crisis. Perhaps it's providing a jump start to change. I'm not a big fan of change.. but it's necessary. Anyway, enough rambling on my part. My goal was to write and get to bed early tonight.

What's God doing in your life? What makes your fingertips beat with passion? What would you do to present your WHOLE heart to Him in an act of service or passion? I welcome your comments.

Pursue Your Strengths

I've been cleaning out my email box tonight and found something that goes along with what I wrote last night about Brian Welch. My friend at work sends daily encouragement emails from Joel Osteen. I don't really know much about him, but these emails are always exactly what I need to keep me keeping on. Hopefully this will speak to you as well.

“Do not neglect your gift…” (I Timothy 4:14)

God has equipped each one of us with specific gifts and talents. It’s up to you to not only to identify those gifts, but to be disciplined to develop those gifts. You have to learn to stay in your strength zone. What are you naturally good at? What do you enjoy doing? Take the time to identify your strengths and weaknesses and as the scripture says, give yourself to your gifts. In other words, don’t spend all your time trying to improve your weaknesses. Don’t waste valuable days pursuing things that are outside your main gifting. Focus on your strengths. There is something that you’re good at naturally—something you can do that comes easy to you. Step out into your area of gifting. Are you good with people? Are you good with your hands? Do you have a great voice? Find ways to develop those gifts. Know that your gifts and talents are a part of your divine destiny. If you’ll be comfortable with who God made you to be, and thank Him for your unique gifting, you’ll not only enjoy your life more, but you’ll be ready to receive the abundant blessing God has in store for you!

If I Had A Dog

My assignment was simple in 7th Grade (1990) - write either an English paper or a poem. I chose the "easy" way out. Little did I know, this was the moment I realized I had some kind of talent for writing. Though, this is really my only "poem" (rhyming words). Hope you enjoy, Emily!



If I Had A Dog
By: Meredith Quintana

If I had a dog,
I’d call his name Fred;
He’d wag his tail,
And I’d pat his head.

I’d take him for walks,
Down the street we’d go.
He’d want to run fast,
But I’d tell him, "No!"

I’d feed and bathe him,
He’d sleep in my bed.
I’d make sure his tummy,
Was always well fed.

All this is a dream;
It’s really not so.
All I can hear,
Is my dad saying, "No!"

CNN Interview with Brian Welch

To gain the whole world, and yet lose your soul…
Or lose your soul and gain the whole world?

You know how you'll see or read something, but not really process it until the time is right? Well, today, while reading on my new blog friend Emily's page, I watched the first video. Then found the second on You Tube a bit ago. Brian's testimony brought tears to my eyes; for reasons I'm unaware. I guess... to remember the joy of my salvation.

I tend to get tunnel vision; only seeing what's directly in front of me and getting too busy, overwhelmed or whatever other excuse, to remember to see the bigger picture. It's not about me. It's about Him. Telling others about my Father's love, so they too will spend eternity in Heaven. If only I was able to maintain that Heavenly Perspective my pastor always talks about. If only the land of Good Intentions were enough.

I know God created me for a specific purpose. I have no doubt about that. While I sometimes wonder if my choices have messed things up along the way or if I missed that one opportunity. But I'm beginning to think that's not the way it works. Sure, there might be one thing. Take Billy Graham. All the world over, Christians or not, know who Mr. Graham is. His purpose, to spread the Gospel unto the ends of the Earth.

What's my purpose? What's your purpose? I believe he's charged some of you moms with the direct initiative of raising strong Christian men and women. Like:

• Emily shared with me (I don't think she'd mind me sharing this) how she takes her son to school every day. Each morning, they watch the sun rise and she tells him how Jesus loved him so much, that He painted His heart across the sky. This conversation is a direct result of her son becoming a Christian.
• Stacey listens to her astute children and then learns more from the Bible, to be prepared for their questions. But she's also training to be a teacher. A teacher! Just think of the kind of enfluence she's going to have! To this day, I remember every one of my teacher's names and what they did to shape me into who I am today.
• Jennifer has three children of her own, but has always had a desire to adopt. She and her husband are starting the process to bring a little one home. Just imagine the purpose this decision fulfills in the lives of every person this child comes in contact with. They weren't just adopted. They were chosen. (Just like how God adopted us into His family -- He CHOSE us.)

God did all of this. Nothing is an accident. NO ONE is an accident.

So, back to Brian Welch. He used to be in the band Korn, but in 2005 was radically saved. Watch these videos and check out his amazing story. His purpose.

Grow Where You're Planted

Today I woke up Grumpy. Usually I can pull myself out of a funk by listening to music on the way to work. But... it didn't work. Then, while at work, every little thing irritated me. There's no reason to expand on those reasons; not only will it frustrate me all over again, but really, what good does that do? Grin and bare it. That's what I did. But around 2, with the dark and stormy cloud still hanging over my head, I brought out my iPod and tried again. Unlike the last time, I scrolled the to the Christian genre. Nearly immediately, I became a different person. Be-bopping my head, grooving to Kirk Franklin. He did my body some good.

During those times of, "God, what in the world are you up to? Why am I here at this job? I feel like my talents are being squandered here. Please show me the way." There's a still, quiet voice which says, "Whatever you do, do it for the glory of God. Me. Child, you work for Me, not man." I silently whine in my head, which never helps by the way, but I think He understands my need to vent. Am I any closer to figuring out what's going on? No, but at least my focus has been, well focused back on Him. If only a split second, it was enough to plant a seed. The next time He might throw me a little fertilizer or some water; you never know with God. But I know one thing for sure, NO MATTER what I do, My Father NEVER stops loving me. What a comfort, huh?

Despite my confused life state right now, I'm so thankful for my group of blog friends. What a difference you've made in my life!! I just wanted to stop and take a moment to thank you for all your encouragement! You are a blessing to me!

When I first began this blog, I wasn't sure what would become of it. Was I doing it merely to obey God? Was I doing it to bring forth the overflowing wellspring deep within me? Was I doing it so that others would read what I had to say? Yes. To all three. But more importantly, I came to a point where I was like, God you ask me to do crazy things all the time. I'm just going to trust you and see what happens. I had to clean out the self-doubt so I could get on the other side and reap the benefits. Now, months later, all you wonderful women comment about things going on in my life. You share with me your thoughts and feelings and we, despite our often vast different life stages, connect on this amazing level which only our Father could set up. Pretty amazing if you ask me.

When thinking about this fact earlier, I started to sing the song, "Thank You". In my own way, thanking all you ladies out there. But in that same moment, thanking Him for allowing me this opportunity to use one of my passions for His glory. I'm a vessel, Lord. Fill me up!!

You never know how the things you go through, will be filtered into writing, to share with someone else. If there ever were a video production team following me around on a daily basis, let me tell you, you'd have some interesting TV. Stuff happens to me all the time. More often than not, I write about those things. Which will create this ripple affect within comments. I think it's funny. As women, we often think we are the only ones going through such and such. But if we'll just stop and take a look around us, I'm sure many others are dealing with the same things. Satan likes to trick us. Don't listen. Your words are powerful... please continue to share your life story with us. I look forward to reading about your life!!

Precious, Grant. How I love him so!

My sister said Grant hadn't done much "talking", so I took this video hoping he might do a little for Aunt Mer. (He's tossing books onto the ground, which we'd just finished reading.)

What a stinker! I love to watch him reason and think about how to do things; quite strong too. Today he learned cause and effect. Once he exercised his 14-month old independence, I put him in the box. He seemed to think that was pretty funny.

Heaven fall down

I saw this amazing sunset and a took video of it while driving home one night. I was listening to Daniel Bashta's "Heaven". Although I didn't realize it at the time, it fit perfectly with the sky above me. I also thought the music was loud enough that I could sing along and the phone wouldn't pick up my voice... but it did. haha Check it out and see what you think:

Don't Fight Monday

I saw this commercial the other day and loved it:

The day Grant fell over laughing!

My sweet nephew was 14 months old the day I took this video. I took my coat and made it "dance" along the floor. Grant thought it was hilarious as you can see. He's great for my ego. The sillier I am, the more he laughs! LOVE this kid!!!

A cup of coffee...

This is awesome. If only we could always have this kind of attitude.


A carrot, an egg, and a cup of coffee...You will never look at a cup of coffee the same way again.

A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.

Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire Soon the pots came to boil. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil; without saying a word.

In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl. Turning to her daughter, she asked, "Tell me what you see."

"Carrots, eggs, and coffee," she replied. Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard-boiled egg. Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled, as she tasted its rich aroma the daughter then asked, "What does it mean, mother?"

Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity: boiling water. Each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, b ut after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened. The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.

"Which are you?" she asked her daughter. "When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

Think of this: Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength? Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart?

Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot , it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you. When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest, do you elevate yourself to another level?

How do you handle adversity? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean? May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human and enough hope to make you happy.

The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way. The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; you can't go forward in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.

When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling. Live your life so at the end, you're the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.

May we all be COFFEE!!!!!!!!

"It's never too late to be what you might have been." -George Eliot