I'm torn. Rip torn. Literally. I've been working out hard this month; made a commitment to myself, not a pesky resolution. I'm sore. It hurts to move my arms. It hurts to type even these words. Yet... I smile. It's a good kind of pain. A tearing and rebuilding kind of pain. I'm breaking down my old muscles and building new ones, stronger ones. While I might be in pain for a time, it's for the greater good.
Wow. That can be applied to life as well. Imagine the possibility for a moment. Did you know that flowering trees bloom best, only after they've been pruned? (I'm tired and honestly can't think of any more examples, but I know you know what I mean.) I think the same is true in our lives. While God doesn't enjoy making us suffer, in some cases it really is in our best interest.
Oh, I fight change. I struggle with storms in my life. I vainly believe I'm enough. Enough to get me through. And when I flop on my face... again... and my loving Father picks me up, again. Forever and always. I know as much as He loves me, I'm still headed for rough waters. Discipline. Refinement. It's never easy. But when I look back over my life, the times where I grew the most were the result of a war being raged within my soul. I don't say that to sound dramatic or to create some sort of crescendo within my writing. But rather, it's a depiction to illustrate my point.
Every single day, I know Satan wants me. I know He wants to drag me into the abyss but because I'm a Child of God, He has no power over me! The only power He has --- is the power I give Him! Think about that for a minute.
I once heard, you live your life in obedience to Someone, it's up to you whom you'll serve. I'm stepping on my toes here. It's hard to justify the decisions I've made when it's really so black and white. Oh, I know I'm washed in the blood of the Lamb. I don't deny that. I just, wish, I had made some better choices along the way. The encouraging thing to know, the Father has a soft spot for screw ups. I mean, look at Jonah. There are many examples where He used people like me to fulfill His mission. So, there's hope. Always hope.
I've traveled down a small rabbit trail, back to my point. Tearing down to build back up. Change. God's up to something, I'm just not sure what yet. There's a crackle in the air as though something is about to pop. Maybe it's the walls I've hidden behind for years. Maybe it's that I'm changing, from the inside out. I can tell I'm different than I was, even a month ago. Sure, I still struggle with depression, but I woke up one morning and decided I wasn't going to let it control me any longer. I wanted to change... for myself and no one else. I wanted to stop making excuses and push through *whatever* it is that got me where I am today. Boy, I'd love to have Bob or Jillian as my trainer. They'd kill me. But boy would I secretly love it!
I'm really excited about something I recently decided to do. You see, I've been working out at Curves for more than a year now. While I love it there, the people are great and I know they really care about me. I think I need more. I think I need to get out of somewhere that I feel comfortable and push myself to do more... to be more... Until I get over that hump, I honestly don't believe I can reach my goals.
Ooh, it's scarey. I don't like doing things alone; though you'd think I'd be used to it by now. (Oh man, Kristin, I know if you were here, you would have just hit me for saying that. Hey, at least I caught it, right?) A new place where I don't know anyone and they don't know me. Co-ed. Almost a little overwhelming. But, I'm about 95% sure that I'm going to cancel my membership at Curves and join the YMCA. There are many different reasons why I've made this (almost) decision, but I'm still sad to leave my friends behind at Curves. I just think, at this stage in my life, it's the right thing to do. Curves has been my building blocks. They've taught me the fundmentals, now I'm ready to take my training wheels off and see how riding on my own feels. (Although, I'd love to work out with a buddy. Anyone interested??)
To come full circle... change, albeit scarey at times, is what makes the world go round.
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Daniel Bashta
Daniel's new CD came in the mail today!!!! It's everything I thought it would be and more! Check out his website and support his amazing ministry!!
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Father, Give My Dreams Wings!
I heard this song on the radio this morning and it's been on my lips all day.
I believe He gave us dreams so we'd get beyond ourselves. It's far too easy to merely exist, going through the motion of life. But oh to live, to live with a Heavenly perspective, now that truly gives you wings!
You who read my blog routinely must think I'm bipolar. One day, I'm all depressed and down in the dumps, then the next, I'm talking about how great life can be! I know, I'm crazy. I've come to realize I've reached a new level of nuerotic. haha I'm telling you, I'm an onion. I've got many layers to my personality. I find it humorous that it's as though I discover new things about myself every day.
Here's a for instance: I resolved to quit complaining about how I look (or don't look) and DO something about it. This step changed me a little. I know that must sound crazy. But it's like many things in my life, I had really good intentions, but never fully followed through. Boy, once I get in my mind to do something though, there's no stopping me!! (Some would call that stubborn, and quite honestly, it's both a good quality as well as a detriment.) However, I made a commitment with myself to work out at least three times a week, as well and write as much as I can. Both are extremely beneficial to me. Though, I didn't realize how much until tonight.
I'm really quite proud of myself. I worked out every day this week. And not just the recommended time, but usually around 45 minutes. When I walked out... I felt strong. Empowered. Capable. A sense of clarity, if you will. Yeah endorphines!! But today, with the threat of severe weather, Curves closed early. I was really dissapointed. A week ago, I would have been like, 'Sweet, now I can go home and get in PJs.' My how times have changed.
My dream to become something I'm not, has inspired me to continue to follow through on that which I began a year ago. I've noticed subtle changes; which is awesome. I wonder if others see it too? I tend to turn inward on myself and "fester", not necessarily in a bad way, but I have to internalize things for me to process them. Anyway, I've traveled down a rabbit trail. Let me get back on the path.
Dreams. God's given me some lofty dreams which can only be accomplished in His strength not my own. Such as:
I believe He gave us dreams so we'd get beyond ourselves. It's far too easy to merely exist, going through the motion of life. But oh to live, to live with a Heavenly perspective, now that truly gives you wings!
You who read my blog routinely must think I'm bipolar. One day, I'm all depressed and down in the dumps, then the next, I'm talking about how great life can be! I know, I'm crazy. I've come to realize I've reached a new level of nuerotic. haha I'm telling you, I'm an onion. I've got many layers to my personality. I find it humorous that it's as though I discover new things about myself every day.
Here's a for instance: I resolved to quit complaining about how I look (or don't look) and DO something about it. This step changed me a little. I know that must sound crazy. But it's like many things in my life, I had really good intentions, but never fully followed through. Boy, once I get in my mind to do something though, there's no stopping me!! (Some would call that stubborn, and quite honestly, it's both a good quality as well as a detriment.) However, I made a commitment with myself to work out at least three times a week, as well and write as much as I can. Both are extremely beneficial to me. Though, I didn't realize how much until tonight.
I'm really quite proud of myself. I worked out every day this week. And not just the recommended time, but usually around 45 minutes. When I walked out... I felt strong. Empowered. Capable. A sense of clarity, if you will. Yeah endorphines!! But today, with the threat of severe weather, Curves closed early. I was really dissapointed. A week ago, I would have been like, 'Sweet, now I can go home and get in PJs.' My how times have changed.
My dream to become something I'm not, has inspired me to continue to follow through on that which I began a year ago. I've noticed subtle changes; which is awesome. I wonder if others see it too? I tend to turn inward on myself and "fester", not necessarily in a bad way, but I have to internalize things for me to process them. Anyway, I've traveled down a rabbit trail. Let me get back on the path.
Dreams. God's given me some lofty dreams which can only be accomplished in His strength not my own. Such as:
- Get married to my best friend, in the midst of a field of wild flowers… barefooted.
- Write a book… and get it published
- Make a difference, in some sort of fashion
- Travel the world with close friends
- Be in two places at once
- Adopt older, "unwanted" children
- Take award winning photography
- Take the road less traveled
- Climb a mountain and repel from it as well
- Take creative classes, such as pottery, drawing and painting
- Ride in a jet
- Take a ride in a hot air balloon
"I want to set the world on fire!" Father, please give my dreams wings!!
Hear Ye! Hear Ye!
Caedmon's Call's lyrically compelling song about redemption, "Ten Thousand Angels" will receive a rare and lengthy place on an upcoming episode of the ABC hit drama series "Grey's Anatomy" on January 10th. Featuring vocals by Derek Webb, the song will play for five consecutive minutes during an emotionally charged final scene.
"Ten Thousand Angels" is a bonus track only available on the limited edition of the group's current release, Overdressed, which was in the top 5 of iTunes Editorial list of 2007 for overall "Best Christian Albums".
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
VOTD: I Am A Promise!
"16Everything depends on having faith in God, so that God's promise is assured by his great kindness. This promise isn't only for Abraham's descendants who have the Law. It is for all who are Abraham's descendants because they have faith, just as he did. Abraham is the ancestor of us all. 17The Scriptures say that Abraham would become the ancestor of many nations. This promise was made to Abraham because he had faith in God, who raises the dead to life and creates new things. 18God promised Abraham a lot of descendants. And when it all seemed hopeless, Abraham still had faith in God and became the ancestor of many nations. 19Abraham's faith never became weak, not even when he was nearly a hundred years old. He knew that he was almost dead and that his wife Sarah could not have children. 20But Abraham never doubted or questioned God's promise. His faith made him strong, and he gave all the credit to God. 21Abraham was certain that God could do what he had promised." ~ Romans 4:16-21 (Contemporary English Version)
Potential - The inherent ability or capacity for growth, development, or coming into being.
Wow, this song brings back some memories! Funny thing, no matter my age, I always remember the songs I learned as a kid. (Let that be a lesson to you parents. Kids are sponges, let them soak up the Truth.) For some reason, this song has been floating around in my head. Simple song. Great message:
I am a promise
I am a possibility
I am a promise with a capital "P"
I am a great big bundle of potentiality
And I am learnin' to hear God's voice
And I am tryin' to make the right choice
I am a promise to be anything God wants me to be.
I can go anywhere that He wants me to go
I can go anywhere that He wants me to go
I can be anything He wants me to be
I can climb the high mountains
I can cross the wide sea
I'm a great big promise you see!
I am a promise
I am a promise
I am a possibility
I am a promise with a capital "P"
I am a great big bundle of potentiality
And I am learnin' to hear God's voice
And I am tryin' to make the right choice
I'm a promise to be anything God wants me to be
Anything God wants me to be!
No matter the LIES Satan tries to feed me, I must remember that I'm a promise with a capital "P"! I don't know what He's up to, but I know it's special. He already promised me that in Jeremiah 29:11-13: "I will bless you with a future filled with hope--a future of success, not of suffering. You will turn back to me and ask for help, and I will answer your prayers. You will worship me with all your heart, and I will be with you." I just have to remind myself, over and over. Whatever it takes.
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
VOTD: Percolating Coffee
Written: January 28, 2005
"28Do you see what we've got? An unshakable kingdom! And do you see how thankful we must be? Not only thankful, but brimming with worship, deeply reverent before God. For God is not an indifferent bystander. 29He's actively cleaning house, torching all that needs to burn, and he won't quit until it's all cleansed. God himself is Fire!" Hebrews 12:28-30 [The Message]
You’re probably beginning to see how music inspires and affect my votds, well, I’ve been listening to Toby Mac’s new CD, Welcome to Diverse City, as though it’s the only CD I own. The second track, "Catchafire (Whoopsi-Daisy)" really describes my current season of growth. We’ve all heard the analogy of Christ being compared to a consuming fire. Though, I like how this verse states that He’s not only that, but He’s also purifying us to be more like Him as well, and won’t quit until we’re cleansed; which leads me to the percolating coffee analogy.
You see, as I was leaving for work yesterday morning, I heard the coffee percolating in the kitchen and thought to myself what an interesting votd it might make but as much as I tried, I couldn’t make it work. Today, as I was listening to this song on the way to work, it was like He quietly whispered, "OK, now’s the time."
I looked up the definition of percolating: "a method of extraction or purification by means of filtration". This is my interpretation of this definition in a practical application: If our life is a Mr. Coffee machine, we’re the coffee beans and God’s the filter, then the "purifying" or percolation process can begin. Ultimately, God wants us to be more like Him, but first we have to go through trials and testing of our faith before any changes in our character can be attained.
First, God must ground the beans (us) up. This usually takes the form of a "storm". During this time, God begins to basically break us as a horse trainer would a wild horse. Though, unlike the horse, we unfortunately have to be broken over and over.
Second, when we get to a pliable/broken state (the ground beans), it’s been my experience that He then places us in a situation where we have to completely and solely depend on Him; which of course, brings us closer to Him.
Third, once we’re broken and depending on Him, then the real percolating begins. As we’re being filtered from what the world wants us to be and into something that looks more like Christ -- the finished result coffee.
Finally, you know how great roasted coffee beans smell, well think about how great made coffee smells (go to the break room or kitchen if you need to). Now remember that while we’re attracted to that smell, I think once we fall so in love with Christ, we too give off His sweet fragrance, so that others "smell" Him radiating from us.
I don’t know if you get my analogy, but it makes sense in my head. I hope He gives you divine understanding, so that you may grasp the concept of percolation. It’s really quite interesting, and for me, resolves some of the "why are you doing this to me, God?"
"28Do you see what we've got? An unshakable kingdom! And do you see how thankful we must be? Not only thankful, but brimming with worship, deeply reverent before God. For God is not an indifferent bystander. 29He's actively cleaning house, torching all that needs to burn, and he won't quit until it's all cleansed. God himself is Fire!" Hebrews 12:28-30 [The Message]
You’re probably beginning to see how music inspires and affect my votds, well, I’ve been listening to Toby Mac’s new CD, Welcome to Diverse City, as though it’s the only CD I own. The second track, "Catchafire (Whoopsi-Daisy)" really describes my current season of growth. We’ve all heard the analogy of Christ being compared to a consuming fire. Though, I like how this verse states that He’s not only that, but He’s also purifying us to be more like Him as well, and won’t quit until we’re cleansed; which leads me to the percolating coffee analogy.
You see, as I was leaving for work yesterday morning, I heard the coffee percolating in the kitchen and thought to myself what an interesting votd it might make but as much as I tried, I couldn’t make it work. Today, as I was listening to this song on the way to work, it was like He quietly whispered, "OK, now’s the time."
I looked up the definition of percolating: "a method of extraction or purification by means of filtration". This is my interpretation of this definition in a practical application: If our life is a Mr. Coffee machine, we’re the coffee beans and God’s the filter, then the "purifying" or percolation process can begin. Ultimately, God wants us to be more like Him, but first we have to go through trials and testing of our faith before any changes in our character can be attained.
First, God must ground the beans (us) up. This usually takes the form of a "storm". During this time, God begins to basically break us as a horse trainer would a wild horse. Though, unlike the horse, we unfortunately have to be broken over and over.
Second, when we get to a pliable/broken state (the ground beans), it’s been my experience that He then places us in a situation where we have to completely and solely depend on Him; which of course, brings us closer to Him.
Third, once we’re broken and depending on Him, then the real percolating begins. As we’re being filtered from what the world wants us to be and into something that looks more like Christ -- the finished result coffee.
Finally, you know how great roasted coffee beans smell, well think about how great made coffee smells (go to the break room or kitchen if you need to). Now remember that while we’re attracted to that smell, I think once we fall so in love with Christ, we too give off His sweet fragrance, so that others "smell" Him radiating from us.
I don’t know if you get my analogy, but it makes sense in my head. I hope He gives you divine understanding, so that you may grasp the concept of percolation. It’s really quite interesting, and for me, resolves some of the "why are you doing this to me, God?"
Monday, January 7, 2008
Only love can change your life...
Fiction and reality collide
Faceless and so busted up inside
You've been searching you've been crying out
Will you be destroyed by all your doubt?
You decide
(Who will you run to)
Wrong or right
(There is no reason)
For you to hide
Only love can change your life
You decide
God is calling out to you again
Let Him pull you, let Him take you in
From the fear that swallows up for your life
Will you stay the same or will you fight?
You decide
(Who will you run to)
Wrong or right
(There is no reason)
For you to hide
Only love can change your life
Only love can change your life
Every day you hold on to your lonely broken heart
(It's tearing you apart)
God is calling out to you just let healing start
(Will you open up and let Him in)
You decide
(Who will you run to)
Wrong or right
(There is no reason)
For you to hide
Only love can change your life
You decide
(You Decide by Fireflight)
I heard this while driving to Atlanta this weekend to visit and *old* friend, whom I haven't seen in entirely too long! (Hey Erin, Jeff and Love Bug!) iTunes has it in Alternative genre, but when I really listened to the words, I realized it could easily be a Christian song as well! I'm in some sort of weird transition right now. I've felt it coming, but didn't know what to do for myself to make me feel better. I don't even necessarily know how to translate what's going on in my head. I feel very . . . .
Lost.
Confused.
Lonely.
Man, this song really describes how I'm feeling. It's funny. I was talking to Erin about this yesterday. How often God will speak to me through music. It's my springboard for knowledge. I hear something, mull it over for a while and finally decide to just write about it. What's funny is that I often feel as though I'm screaming but people look right through me as I don't exist. It's one of the many on-going battles I have. . . and unfortunately, Satan jumps on it. But, that's another post for another day.
Remember my resolution not to resolve? Well, I'm reading this amazing book called, "Coming Up For Air" by Margaret Becker. (She's also the author of one of my top ten favorite books, "With New Eyes"). It's basically about how she took two months and refocused her life back on God. (That's the extremely simplistic explanation, but you should seriously check it out!) In a chapter I read yesterday, she said 'instead of making resolutions about things I'm going to do, I'm going to make a list of things I'm not going to do'. Funny how a different perspective completely changes the way one thinks? What am I not going to do (or try really hard to not do) in 2008? (That too will have to be another post. I keep getting sidetracked from my original intention.)
I believe there's a battle waging in the Heavens for me. Yes, I'm saved, but am I living victoriously? Yes, I'm one of His children, but do I run to Him when things go wrong? This past year has been, well, just interesting. As my friend so boldly told me that night at Starbucks, I'm heading down a path which might take me years to recover. It's not that I'm doing anything bad, necessarily. But I'm not really living! That in and of itself is a great tragedy.
The song says, "Will you stay the same or will you fight?" That about sums up this post. Am I going to keep repeating the monotony of my life or am I going to get out there and start making changes? I know there are caverns yet explored in my being. God made me SO creative and often, I don't have a clue how to express what's buried deep within me. I don't want to stay the same. I want to one day stand on a stage and proclaim how God healed me. Share about how I over came depression and didn't allow Satan to use that in my life. Oh how I long for that day. What a glorious day that will be!
Faceless and so busted up inside
You've been searching you've been crying out
Will you be destroyed by all your doubt?
You decide
(Who will you run to)
Wrong or right
(There is no reason)
For you to hide
Only love can change your life
You decide
God is calling out to you again
Let Him pull you, let Him take you in
From the fear that swallows up for your life
Will you stay the same or will you fight?
You decide
(Who will you run to)
Wrong or right
(There is no reason)
For you to hide
Only love can change your life
Only love can change your life
Every day you hold on to your lonely broken heart
(It's tearing you apart)
God is calling out to you just let healing start
(Will you open up and let Him in)
You decide
(Who will you run to)
Wrong or right
(There is no reason)
For you to hide
Only love can change your life
You decide
(You Decide by Fireflight)
I heard this while driving to Atlanta this weekend to visit and *old* friend, whom I haven't seen in entirely too long! (Hey Erin, Jeff and Love Bug!) iTunes has it in Alternative genre, but when I really listened to the words, I realized it could easily be a Christian song as well! I'm in some sort of weird transition right now. I've felt it coming, but didn't know what to do for myself to make me feel better. I don't even necessarily know how to translate what's going on in my head. I feel very . . . .
Lost.
Confused.
Lonely.
Man, this song really describes how I'm feeling. It's funny. I was talking to Erin about this yesterday. How often God will speak to me through music. It's my springboard for knowledge. I hear something, mull it over for a while and finally decide to just write about it. What's funny is that I often feel as though I'm screaming but people look right through me as I don't exist. It's one of the many on-going battles I have. . . and unfortunately, Satan jumps on it. But, that's another post for another day.
Remember my resolution not to resolve? Well, I'm reading this amazing book called, "Coming Up For Air" by Margaret Becker. (She's also the author of one of my top ten favorite books, "With New Eyes"). It's basically about how she took two months and refocused her life back on God. (That's the extremely simplistic explanation, but you should seriously check it out!) In a chapter I read yesterday, she said 'instead of making resolutions about things I'm going to do, I'm going to make a list of things I'm not going to do'. Funny how a different perspective completely changes the way one thinks? What am I not going to do (or try really hard to not do) in 2008? (That too will have to be another post. I keep getting sidetracked from my original intention.)
I believe there's a battle waging in the Heavens for me. Yes, I'm saved, but am I living victoriously? Yes, I'm one of His children, but do I run to Him when things go wrong? This past year has been, well, just interesting. As my friend so boldly told me that night at Starbucks, I'm heading down a path which might take me years to recover. It's not that I'm doing anything bad, necessarily. But I'm not really living! That in and of itself is a great tragedy.
The song says, "Will you stay the same or will you fight?" That about sums up this post. Am I going to keep repeating the monotony of my life or am I going to get out there and start making changes? I know there are caverns yet explored in my being. God made me SO creative and often, I don't have a clue how to express what's buried deep within me. I don't want to stay the same. I want to one day stand on a stage and proclaim how God healed me. Share about how I over came depression and didn't allow Satan to use that in my life. Oh how I long for that day. What a glorious day that will be!
Friday, January 4, 2008
New Years Resolutions
Resolve: To reach a decision or to make a determination.
When it comes to New Years Resolutions, I decided a few years ago to "Resolve not to resolve". I know that sounds crazy, but my emotional well-being often gets the better of me. So, to save me from being hard on myself, I just decided this was the way to go. I mean, come on, how many of us actually keep our resolutions for the new year? I'd say, maybe 99.9% of the population. So, yeah, that's my story and I'm sticking to it.
God's funny, you know? I think He sometimes tries to speak to me in a still, soft voice, but I'm too busy being busy that I don't hear Him. So, He has to use other methods. I learn through repetition. Always have. Always will. I don't know why it surprises me when He wants me to learn a concept, that He'll continually bring a theme up, in several different avenues. Today wasn't any different. This below quote was sent to me twice today... which I believe to be no accident. I figured if I'm to learn this lesson, then you all should too!
A woman's heart should be so hidden in Christ that a man should have to seek Him first to find her. Unknown Author
Wow. That's pretty profound if you think about it. I think.... as much as I don't want to admit this, I want to *make a dertermination* to impliment this in my life. (Somehow that sounds better, than a resolution. Semantics, I know.)
I'm not real happy about where my life is right now. This past year flew by and honestly, I don't have much to show for it. My Walk with Him is definitely misplaced. I'm all out of sorts. The person I thought I'd be, isn't who I am now. If you'd asked me, say 10 years ago, where I'd be now, it would be different than the reality of now. While I realize everything is in God's timing and His way are not our ways.... I still long for what I do not have. However, I don't want something just to have it. I don't want to be married if I'm going to be miserable. I don't want another job, if it's not where I'm supposed to be. Contentment is the name of the game. (Not that this is a game, mind you, but I think you know what I mean.)
When I was prophisized over a few years ago, I was told, amoung other things, that I needed to be chasing after God. And in my pursuit of Him, everything else would fall into place. It's sadly funny how I can't seem to get this concept down. Everything tends to be an uphill battle with me. You'd think I'd learn. My life tends to be like a roller coaster, up and down, up and down.... and sometimes, flat-lined. I know this isn't how He'd want me to live.
Good grief. I'm sure I'm making this more complicated than it has to be.....
When it comes to New Years Resolutions, I decided a few years ago to "Resolve not to resolve". I know that sounds crazy, but my emotional well-being often gets the better of me. So, to save me from being hard on myself, I just decided this was the way to go. I mean, come on, how many of us actually keep our resolutions for the new year? I'd say, maybe 99.9% of the population. So, yeah, that's my story and I'm sticking to it.
God's funny, you know? I think He sometimes tries to speak to me in a still, soft voice, but I'm too busy being busy that I don't hear Him. So, He has to use other methods. I learn through repetition. Always have. Always will. I don't know why it surprises me when He wants me to learn a concept, that He'll continually bring a theme up, in several different avenues. Today wasn't any different. This below quote was sent to me twice today... which I believe to be no accident. I figured if I'm to learn this lesson, then you all should too!
A woman's heart should be so hidden in Christ that a man should have to seek Him first to find her. Unknown Author
Wow. That's pretty profound if you think about it. I think.... as much as I don't want to admit this, I want to *make a dertermination* to impliment this in my life. (Somehow that sounds better, than a resolution. Semantics, I know.)
I'm not real happy about where my life is right now. This past year flew by and honestly, I don't have much to show for it. My Walk with Him is definitely misplaced. I'm all out of sorts. The person I thought I'd be, isn't who I am now. If you'd asked me, say 10 years ago, where I'd be now, it would be different than the reality of now. While I realize everything is in God's timing and His way are not our ways.... I still long for what I do not have. However, I don't want something just to have it. I don't want to be married if I'm going to be miserable. I don't want another job, if it's not where I'm supposed to be. Contentment is the name of the game. (Not that this is a game, mind you, but I think you know what I mean.)
When I was prophisized over a few years ago, I was told, amoung other things, that I needed to be chasing after God. And in my pursuit of Him, everything else would fall into place. It's sadly funny how I can't seem to get this concept down. Everything tends to be an uphill battle with me. You'd think I'd learn. My life tends to be like a roller coaster, up and down, up and down.... and sometimes, flat-lined. I know this isn't how He'd want me to live.
Good grief. I'm sure I'm making this more complicated than it has to be.....
Tuesday, January 1, 2008
Welcome 2008!!
Wow, it's been a while since I've written. It's not for lack of material. My brain has been whirling with things to say, but haven't had the opportunity. I took a break from "normal" life and went on vacation all last week. I spent 9 days with family. It was awesome. I actually brought my computer with me to journal, but alas, I was in the country and my parents only have dial up. I frankly didn't have the patience to deal with it, you know?
We didn't really do anything (but chase Grant around the house), didn't really go anywhere, just spent quality time together. I loved it. Even if I was on Aunt duty a lot and only got to watch one movie completely through. That's OK too. Grant's adorable. I'll have to upload some pictures of him later.
Highlights of the past week:
"Life is an open invitation to adventure for all. It’s not only for the brave, but for the timid-hearted as well… The great adventure of life in Christ is possible not because the world is "safe" but because our Father God is watching over us. We will never take a trip without him. We will never be left behind. We will never put our head down on a pillow at night and be alone. Our God is with us where he belongs… Because of the security of His perfect love, we can be honest about where we are and dream of where we would like to go. Our fears and hopes are in our Father’s safekeeping." - Sheila Walsh
We didn't really do anything (but chase Grant around the house), didn't really go anywhere, just spent quality time together. I loved it. Even if I was on Aunt duty a lot and only got to watch one movie completely through. That's OK too. Grant's adorable. I'll have to upload some pictures of him later.
Highlights of the past week:
- My best friend came into town and we did fun goofy stuff together as well as had a really serious conversation in Starbucks. She was sharpening my iron, but I didn't like it. Who does? She gave me a lot to think about though. I'm sure that'll come up later in different posts.
- Saw "August Rush". GREAT movie. Clean. Amazing music! (I downloaded the soundtrack off iTunes.) Take your kids. You won't be dissapointed.
- Singing Grant to sleep. I love when he snuggles into me and lays his head onto my chest.
- Laughing hysterically with my sister at a time when we were supposed to be quiet, which of course made it funnier. She kept snorting, which would set me off again. Good times.
- Reading a great book until time stood still, and I looked at the clock and it read 3AM.
- Watching Grant crack up when I 'rattled' a plastic bag. Kids are the best, aren't they? All these presents and he's intertained by such simple things. Let that be a lesson to us. Later in the week, a yard stick was his toy. (Sidenote: why is a yard stick called a yard stick, when it's actually more than a yard?)
- Family dinner at my parents. Everyone around the table, talking about everying. Great times.
- Watching people open gifts. I love that part. Seeing the joy on their faces.
- My favorite gift, a posturpedic pillow. The best thing since flannel sheets.
- An adventure with my Aunt, a girls day out. We ate lunch at Zaxby's and went to see "P.S. I Love You". Another great movie. Clever. Touching. I teared up a few times and also cracked up too. (I have this inate ability to predict when something funny is about to happen on screen. So, if you're ever in a movie and hear laughter before the audience laughter, that's probably me.)
- Trans-Siberian Orchestra. It was completely different than what I thought it would be!!! But still amazing at times. Definitely worth the experience, but something I won't attend again. (Funny story, at the end, after new years celebration, he host guy said they had a special treat for us. Apparently the lead singer of Styx is from Alabama and agreed to come out and give a mini concert. I know this shows not only my age, but my lack of music knowledge past say 1995, but my friends and I had NO IDEA who this person was!! But boy, the crowd loved him!!) We actually ended up leaving early, as the concert was still going strong at 12:30 and we were sleepy.
"Life is an open invitation to adventure for all. It’s not only for the brave, but for the timid-hearted as well… The great adventure of life in Christ is possible not because the world is "safe" but because our Father God is watching over us. We will never take a trip without him. We will never be left behind. We will never put our head down on a pillow at night and be alone. Our God is with us where he belongs… Because of the security of His perfect love, we can be honest about where we are and dream of where we would like to go. Our fears and hopes are in our Father’s safekeeping." - Sheila Walsh
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