VOTD: Scales

August 28, 2006
VOTD: Scales

“So Ananias departed and entered the house. And laying his hands on him he said, "Brother Saul, the Lord Jesus who appeared to you on the road by which you came has sent me so that you may regain your sight and be filled with the Holy Spirit." And immediately something like scales fell from his eyes, and he regained his sight. Then he rose and was baptized; and taking food, he was strengthened.” Acts 9:17-19 (English Standard Version)

As always, a song inspired these thoughts. My good friend introduced me to Shawn McDonald, which – if you haven’t heard of him – you’re missing out! He has a unique way of phrasing that which he’s expressing. I relate to that. I often think in terms of analogies. In his song, “I Am Nothing”, this is what stood out to me:

“…Please mend these broken wings
And take the scales from my eyes
Without You I am nothing
I will not survive…”
I began to research scales. For fish, they are a means of protection. For humans, most often it is used to describe the fact that something has hindered us from seeing the Truth, usually those whom aren’t Christ followers.

You see, earlier in chapter nine, Saul had been blinded by his hatred of Christians; killing them at every chance he had. After reading this, it’s my opinion that with God’s funny sense of humor, He decided to literally blind Saul when He met him on the road to Damascus. Or perhaps, when He put the scales on Saul’s eyes, it was to protect him, much like the fish. Saul, knowing the Lord did this to him, had no choice but to follow and depend on Him.

How much are we like Saul sometimes? We are blindly running around, thinking we know what’s best for our lives, when really we have no clue whatsoever. (Perhaps I’m the only one to do this, I don’t know.) Just a thought: maybe sometimes we need scales on our eyes, to protect us from ourselves.

We are nothing without Him.

Where have all the gentlemen gone?

"I'm Just a Girl,
Standing in front of a Boy,
Asking Him to love Her."
-- Nothing Hill

Isn't this how we all feel at one point or another? The need to be accepted and loved is overwhelming... nearly, breath taking. In some ways, I think women's lib set us up for a fall. Sure we've gained a lot of privileges, but at what cost? Is it really necessary for women to be on the same level as men? No, I don't think so. Which, I find to be quite humorous that I'm even talking about this. Not only is this not even what I wanted to write about, but also, I don't think I knew I had these feelings until I read them on the screen.

Sometimes my fingers do my thinking for me. If I analyze my words, I tend to over think a theme. But to freely allow my fingers to glide over the keys... that's when my true feelings come out. (Try it some time. Open up Word and just start typing. Don't edit yourself. Write about whatever is going on with you. You'll be surprised, not only by what comes out of you, but also how you'll feel after. Trust me.)

I get so frustrated with men and how they treat women. Has anyone else noticed this? Perhaps it was the way they were raised? Perhaps they don't know any better? Or perhaps, society has taught them to have different values than what was once considered "gentlemanly". Recently, I've noticed a shift in how I'm treated as a lady. For instance, I rarely see men open doors for a woman. Heck, even continue to hold it open as they walk through in front of us. (I honestly don't mean this to be "guy bashing" type of post, I have a point, I promise.)

The only problem with this? We're partly to blame. We wanted to be independent. We wanted to stand on our own two feet. Reminds me of that song from, "Annie Get Your Gun": Anything you can do, I can do better. I can do anything, Better than you.

I wasn't alive for the shift in women's lib, but I would assume the men resisted the change as much as the women thought they wanted it. Time and time again, I'm sure women pushed forward for change (we're quite persistent after all). But it's my guess that if those women back then, saw how things are now, they might have thought differently.

I don't mean to say that all women are good for is "birthing babies", but I do think we should allow a man to lead every once and a while. Allow a man to be a man. If you're married, your husband's head of the household. If you're dating or single, God and your Dad are your authority.

OK, I think I'm digressing from my original point. I brought up all this because I'm upset with one of my best friends. We've been friends forever. We used to write LONG letters to each other and talk all the time. But within the last year or so, we rarely talk. The occasional phone call, a letter every few months, but I miss the connection we used to have. While I realize some friendships are seasonal, I didn't think ours was. I thought I was different. So, I can't help but get my feelings hurt when I'm treated this way. Oh, I know they don't intentionally set out to hurt me, it's just a byproduct. But it doesn't mean it hurts me any less.

I wrote a letter, basically explaining how this was making me feel. I also said, I don't know how you can maintain a friendship with only occasional communication. In that moment, Jesus spoke to me. "My dear, precious Child. This is exactly the way I feel about you and Me. I long to spend time with you too. I can't wait for the chance to sit with you and hear about your day. But you've been so busy lately. I wait and wait... why haven't you been spending any time with Me? Do you not love me?" In that moment, with tears in my eyes (as they are now), I realized my mistake. I took for granted God's "omnipresence". Just because He's always around, doesn't mean I'm spending quality time with Him.

I need self-discipline to make time for Him, as He deserves. I do so enjoy it too. I'm just a goober and make excuses. Why? Several years ago, I was inspired to write VOTDs (verses of the day). I can't tell you how much I grew during that time!! It was amazing. Why oh why did I stop? I can't give you an answer. What I can say is that God's given me this really unique way at looking at the world. He teaches me through seemingly random events in my life as well as through the lyrics in songs. (I listen to my iPod all day at work.) I'm able to translate these things into life lessons, which in turn I share with others. I never know who might read them. All I know is that I'm obeying when I write about Him.

I pray in the coming weeks and months, you'll see nothing but God through this blog. I pray you'll be encouraged from this girl's ramblings. And I pray, together, we'll grow closer to Him.

VOTD: Rhythms of Grace

August 17, 2006
VOTD: Rhythms of Grace

“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace.” Matthew 11:28-29

Recently, while reading, “Sisterchicks Do the Hula” by Robin Jones Gunn, God brought this verse to my attention. The phrase, “Rhythms of Grace” struck a cord deep within and has been mulling around in my head for a week now. Ever know what you mean, but not know how to express it? That’s how I feel now. I know there’s this amazing concept, but I just can’t seem to pry it from within myself.

I think what God is trying to tell us here, is that, walking with Him is often easier than we make it out to be. You know how you feel when you go on a retreat with church or on a mission trip? For the first few hours, it’s like you’re in detox from the world. You find it hard to put down your cell phone… ‘Was that a text message I just received?’ You wonder how you’ll ever survive without MySpace… how quickly we’re addicted! And then, all the sudden, you just don’t care anymore. It’s as if you realize it’s OK for the world to go on and not to know anything about it. I don’t know if anyone can sympathize with me about this or not?

Once you remember the real reason you’re there, “the things of earth will grow strangely dim, in the light of His glory and grace”. The everyday burdens just fall off… there’s no stress… no need to be anxious… it’s just you and Jesus. He likes that, you know? When we come to a point where we gain that Heavenly perspective. If only, we could maintain that. You know, it’s like looking at one of those Magic Eye puzzles. Remember those? My mom gave me one to try the other day. At first glance, it looks like nothing. But once you stare closely and cross your eyes, the next thing you know, a 3-D image appears! (Mine was a cross.)

How much is that like our relationship with Jesus? (Think through my analogy for a second.) It’s not that Jesus is hidden from us. Far from the truth, He’s everywhere. But until we blur out the world and focus only on Him, we won’t see Him clearly. As though, new parts of his character just *pop* out to us, like the image in the picture. Oh sure, He teaches us new things everyday, but when you’re in that state of hyper-focus, how much more are you able to learn? I know that to be true in my life.

VOTD: Walk in the Power

August 16, 2006
VOTD: Walk in the Power

“But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” 2 Corinthians 12:9 (English Standard Version)

Has God ever asked you to do something you thought was impossible? My roommate and I were talking about dreams last night (i.e. “What do you want to be when you grow up?”). I told her I have many passions, especially artsy things such as: photography, writing, and recently painting. This is one of those “impossibilities” which I didn’t think I could do.

You see, to make a long story short, several years ago, I was prophesied over. I was told that I would “draw the pain of my past and turn it into a children’s book”. While I don’t completely know what that means yet, I did know I couldn’t do anything until I learned how to draw. To encourage this dream, my mom gave me a “Drawing for Dummies” book. I got to the third lesson and got discouraged; that was probably one to two years ago.

Well, a few months ago, a friend knew about this seemingly hidden desire of mine. She asked me to paint a mural for a project my church was doing. (40 Days of Community – we were to paint what community meant to us) At first, I thought, “Are you nuts? I can’t paint. I can’t even draw.” She told me, “Pray about it. Sketch some things out. If you really don’t think you can do it, you don’t have to. But I think you can do it.” After reading her email, my heart began to beat faster and I felt alive; I knew I was going to do it! For the next few weeks, I prayed about what I should do, “God, you know I have no idea how to paint; I don’t even know where to begin. I need you to speak to me.” Two ideas were constant in my head: a park scene and an ice cream truck.

In case you didn’t know, thinking about an idea and sitting in front of a blank canvas are two totally different things. But I knew I had been called and had a commission to fulfill. I couldn’t shake the idea of the ice cream truck; I took that as a sign. (Not that I believe in ‘signs’ but you know what I mean.) I sketched it out first in pencil. Mom always says, “Measure twice. Cut once.” Figured that idea applied here as well. All too soon it was time to actually paint. Scary.

HOURS later, (why do things always take longer than you think they will?) I can’t tell you how much fun I had! The finished product looked like something a first grader might do, but you know what? I honestly didn’t care. I was very proud of my work! You know why? Two reasons, really. First, I had the courage to do that which I thought I couldn’t. Second, “His power was made perfect in my weakness”. Once I stepped out of the way and walked in His power, He then used my weakness for His glory! That’s not to say my painting changed the world, but I was able to testify what God did through me. Very cool experience. I’m glad my friend pushed and encouraged me. I need to go out and buy some more canvases; see what other “masterpieces” come out of me!

The next time God asks you to do the impossible, don’t be so quick to say, “No!” Instead, stop, pray and think; He might just have an unexpected blessing for you on the other side, if you step out in faith and obedience!! You never know until you try, right?!

Finished Result:

An Intimate Voice

At some point this morning, I started humming this familar tune. The words escaped me until I was making mundane copies, when all of the sudden, I confidently said, "Sin has lost it's power, death has lost it's sting...." From then on, the rest of the day, these words were exploding from me. The amazing thing is, I believe it to be a "pocket of grace" from God. I haven't heard that song in a while, so perhaps He knew what I needed when I needed. Imagine that.

I'm going through something again. It has no name, necessarily. Somewhat like "The Nothing" from "The Neverending Story". Part of me wants to hide and give the appearance of everything being OK. But then, by not vocalizing my weaknesses, how then can He be strong in my life? How then can He shine through and get ultimate glory?

I know this is just another storm. We all have them. Some of us batten down the hatches and ride it out, while others of us, sail into the storm tossed sea and discover what God's trying to teach us. I suppose I've taken up residence in both camps. But perhaps, for once, what if I were to look into the storm and ask Him what lesson I'm to be learning? I mean, if I'm constantly in a spin cycle, have I really learned anything? Or was it in one ear and out the other? I just think I was created for greatness. I don't say that in a "look at me, aren't I special" kind of way. But rather, I know God has a purpose for my life. Finding it, that has become the challenge. But maybe, just maybe, I'm not supposed to "find" anything, rather I'm to pursue what brings Him glory and there I'll find purpose? I feel silly to struggle with purpose at age 30. Seems like I should have figured things out by now. Oh well, I've always been a few years behind my peers. Forgive me, I'm basically just rambling, but these are thoughts I'm having.

God's blessed me with this really unique way to look at the world, which I find to be quite fascinating and at times, really frustrating. The challenge of getting what's going on in my head, onto 'paper' in a way which makes sense to others besides myself. A wise, young friend recently told me, "...you have a delicate, intimate voice in writing..." I suppose, I'm just trying to find my voice again after not writing for so many years. Please excuse me while I "clear my throat a bit."

Anyway, back to the song... I honestly didn't know what I was going to say to preface this song. It's not what I find most enjoyable to be so open and honest with, well, the world. But often, I feel God leading me in a certain direction. What choice do I have but to follow? I mean, sure I can disobey, but what's the point. God's quite persistent if you didn't know.

Marvelous Light by Charlie Hall

I once was fatherless,
a stranger with no hope;
Your kindness wakened me,
Awakened me, from my sleep

Your love it beckons deeply,
a call to come and die.
By grace now I will come
And take this life, take your life.

Sin has lost it's power,
death has lost it's sting.
From the grave you've risen
VICTORIOUSLY!

Into marvelous light I'm running,
Out of darkness, out of shame.
By the cross you are the truth,
You are the life, you are the way

My dead heart now is beating,
My deepest stains now clean.
Your breath fills up my lungs.
Now I'm free. now I'm free!

Lift my hands and spin around,
See the light that i have found.
Oh the marvelous light
Marvelous light

Lift my hands and spin
See the light within...

VOTD: I’m a Flintstone Kid

I have something stiring within me, trying to escape from the caverns of my brain, onto the page of this site. But it's not ready yet. I need to do more thinking and research. Until then, however, I wanted to share an old VOTD (verse of the day) I wrote last year.


VOTD: I’m a Flintstone Kid
June 1, 2006

“Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything in the One who makes me who I am.” Philippians 4:11-14 (The Message)

I have a lot of time to think while driving. I live far (at least 40 minutes away) from everything I do: work, small group, exercising, and hanging out with friends, etc. If you ever see me alone in the car, just jabbering away, then I’m usually talking to God and/or myself… or just singing at the top of my lungs. Recently, I was listening to Casting Crowns and God planted a seed, which I’ve been mulling over for about a month. (Come on now, you should have known a song inspired this votd!) Honestly, God most often speaks to me through music.

I was listening to “In Me” when the chorus reminded me of the older (80’s) TV commercial for Flintstone vitamins. [You know the one: “We're the Flintstones Kids, Ten million strong, and growing.”] Only Casting Crown’s chorus really struck a chord deep in me. Read for yourself:

“‘Cause when I'm weak, You make me strong
When I'm blind you shine Your light on me
'Cause I'll never get by living on my own ability
How refreshing to know You don't need me
How amazing to find that you want me
So I'll stand on Your Truth, and I'll fight with Your Strength
Untill You bring the victory, by the power of Christ in me”
--- “In Me” by Casting Crowns

Honestly, this chorus is chalked full of goodness, but the part that gets me every time I hear it: “How refreshing to know You don’t need me, How amazing to find that you want me”. I mean, think about that for a moment. The Creator of the Universe doesn’t need our help to do anything, yet He wants it!

Recently a “storm” has blown into the harbors of many of my friends, myself included. It feels completely unexpected, but we’re all having to just TRUST that God’s got us in the palm of His hand. Nothing is a surprise to Him. Pretty astounding, huh? Since before time began, He knew about whatever situation you might be in. If only we had the foresight to look at storms as opportunities of growth.

I think God often uses us despite our weaknesses, more likely because of them. Look at the characters in the Bible: Moses killed a man, but God used him to deliver His people from slavery; David committed adultery and had Bathsheba’s husband killed, but God still called him a man after God’s own heart; and maybe even the best example, Paul had thousands of Christians killed, but then God used Him to write a good portion of the New Testament. If God can use the Hero’s of our Faith to teach us stuff about our lives, then don’t you think that God too can use us?

I'm not your average girl...

I so relate.

Video by India Arie

Sometimes I shave my legs and sometimes I don't
Sometimes I comb my hair and sometimes I won't
Depend on how the wind blows I might even paint my toes
It really just depends on whatever feels good in my soul

I'm not the average girl from your video
and I ain't built like a supermodel
But, I learned to love myself unconditionally
Because I am a queen
I'm not the average girl from your video
My worth is not determined by the price of my clothes
No matter what I'm wearing I will always be India Arie

When I look in the mirror and the only one there is me
Every freckle on my face is where it's supposed to be
And I know my creator didn't make no mistakes on me
My feet, my thighs, my lips, my eyes; I'm lovin' what I see

I'm not the average girl from your video
and I ain't built like a supermodel
But, I learned to love myself unconditionally
Because I am a queen
I'm not the average girl from your video
My worth is not determined by the price of my clothes
No matter what I'm wearing I will always be India Arie

Am I less of a lady if I don't wear pantyhose?
My mama said a lady ain't what she wears but, what she knows
But, I've drawn a conclusion, it's all an illusion, confusion's the name of the game
A misconception, a vast deception
Something's gotta change
Don't be offended this is all my opinion
ain't nothing that I'm sayin law
This is a true confession of a life learned lesson I was sent here to share with y'all
So get in where you fit in go on and shine
Clear your mind, now's the time
Put your salt on the shelf
Go on and love yourself
'Cuz everything's gonna be all right

I'm not the average girl from your video
and I ain't built like a supermodel
But, I Learned to love myself unconditionally
Because I am a queen
I'm not the average girl from your video
My worth is not determined by the price of my clothes
No matter what I'm wearing I will always be India Arie

Keep your fancy drinks and your expensive minks
I don't need that to have a good time
Keep your expensive car and your caviar
All I need is my guitar
Keep your Kristal and your pistol
I'd rather have a pretty piece of crystal
Don't need your silicon I prefer my own
What God gave me is just fine

I'm not the average girl from your video
and I ain't built like a supermodel
But, I learned to love myself unconditionally
Because I am a queen
I'm not the average girl from your video
My worth is not determined by the price of my clothes
No matter what I'm wearing I will always be India Arie

Coincidence? You decide.

OK, so a few months ago, I recommended my friend at work to Netflix. After a few days, I emailed customer service and asked if they gave some kind of referral bonus when current members help bring in new members. To which they said, 'Sorry, no, but thanks.'

Fast forward to today, I get this email from Netflix.... Give one month free to your friends and if they join, you get one free movie for each new membership. I was like, WAIT! Didn't you all just tell me you don't do that? And now, you come out with this new thing?!?! Did you steal my idea??

You decide.... Coincidence or not?

Everything

Watch first, read later:




Do you have tears in your eyes? I do. Each time I not only hear (and really listen) to this song and see this skit, I can't help but be moved by the love of my Father.

I don't know how honest I need to be here. I'm fighting within myself as what to say. It would be easy to just publish at this point, but perhaps I'm to share a little bit more about myself. Which, honestly, is scarey. I mean, I appear to have everything together. On the outside, maybe. Now, I'm not saying my life is all bad. In fact, I can't believe how blessed I really am. But... it doesn't stop the way I feel sometimes.

You see, I struggle with depression. On the surface, everything appears to be fine. I have a job. I pay my bills. I have a house and a car. There's always food on the table. I don't lack for anything. God has always provided for me; which I find amazing each and every time. But even after all that, there's still something "not right". Unless you know or have experienced it yourself, it's hard to explain. But, I think it's one of those things which isn't discussed within the Christian realm. As if, being a Christian makes everything *all better*. We shouldn't talk about being sad or whatever. That's just not reality, folks.

What I find interesting, is that people you'd never think struggle with it, do. It becomes this shadow which follows you everywhere. Most days, I'm perfectly fine. But other days, when I allow the shadow to overcome me, it's all I can do to keep breathing. Ready for some real honesty? Like the girl in this skit, killing myself has crossed my mind a time or two. Gosh, it sounds so melodramatic to type it out, but it's true. It's how I felt. It's what happens when I took my focus off of God and began to sink. (Please don't misunderstand me, I'm not suicidal. Part of me is just ready to go "Home".) But then I remember the people that I love. Plus, I know God's up to something. (Psst... He always is, even if we don't see it.) I know God has a plan for my life (Jeremiah 29:11-13).

A few years ago, I was prophesized over (which is a whole other story for another time), but God told me I'd write about the pain from my past. Perhaps this is part of that? I don't know. But I wanted to share a little more depth than usual.

So if you're struggling with depression too, please don't give up. Believe it or not, it helps to talk about how you're feeling. Plus, it gives feet to your problems. They can't remain stagnant and grow a fowl stench, but instead, you can share how you feel with others. I bet others feel the same way too. Also, another plus, you may have the opportunity to share what God is doing through your situation, much like He's doing with me. You just never know what God's up to.

Here are the lyrics to this song:

Everything by Lifehouse

Find Me Here
Speak To Me
I want to feel you
I need to hear you
You are the light
That's leading me
To the place where I find peace again.

You are the strength, that keeps me walking.
You are the hope, that keeps me trusting.
You are the light to my soul.
You are my purpose...you're everything.

How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

You calm the storms, and you give me rest.
You hold me in your hands, you won't let me fall.
You steal my heart, and you take my breath away.
Would you take me in? Take me deeper now?

How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

Cause you're all I want, You're all I need
You're everything,everything
You're all I want your all I need
You're everything, everything.
You're all I want you're all I need.
You're everything, everything
You're all I want you're all I need, you're everything, everything.

And How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

Pursuit

Every single time I've worshiped with Daniel Bashta as the leader, I've walked on those golden streets and entered Heaven. I can picture myself at Jesus' throne, giving all I've got to Him. I get kinda self conscious when I worship, especially when I allow myself to let go. To focus solely on Him and not allow anything that's going on around me to be a distraction. When I do that, I can't help but cry. I lift my arms up in adoration. I jump up and down with sheer joy! And I cry. That's what I do. Daniel has this way of breaking down all of my barriers and helps lead me right to the throne to love on my Creator! Check out this clip of Daniel leading worship at Church of the Highlands: